Bohemian Antiks Continue

How to make friends with a pig

Today we had visitors. Friends came over with more friends and they all brought their kids.
Our pig is almost a year old now. Sometimes when she is waiting to be fed, standing resolutely in the way of where everyone wants to get to in the kitchen, when we are about to put breakfast or dinner on the table, she will take an open-mouthed side swipe at us. She has never actually bitten anyone,  but all bets are that it will be Boy if it does happen.

In the early summer, once bare legs started appearing from under the woolly layers necessary in the winter and spring in this big old cold house, she did start to experimentally put her mouth around my ankle a couple of times while I was washing dishes.  But I clearly communicated that this was not a good idea.  She is a good pig, generally. Once she knows something is considered naughty, she only does it when she wants to be considered naughty. 

So, presently, for safety reasons,  she is behind a fence when kids first arrive at the White House.  They can pick up fallen apples to push through to her, which persuades her of their friendly intentions.  I also teach everyone how to say hello in Pig language.  And once everyone has made this friendly greeting then she knows for sure that they are friendly. Pig will eat just about anything, apart from asparagus.  Which we know from the times she's managed to get into the perennials garden and only the asparagus has been left standing.  

To say a friendly hello to a tame pig you must squat down flat footed as low as you can so that your face is not far from her snout, then you say Ha Ha Har like and asthmatic pirate. Kind of breathy.  This is also a good way to greet Pig each morning if you are staying here or when you arrive from being away for some time.  

But she is generally a good animal.  Now that we understand her better.  She used to be very bad tempered with us around meal times, getting in the way and swiping at us, meaning that Man was always shouting at her and they were developing a fractious relationship.  But then we realised that it was not her being naughty but her being hungry.  Pigs have been bred for thousands of years to put on weight very rapidly, which means that they are always hungry. Ravenously so.  Imagine being a member of a house where everyone got to eat in front of  you every meal, and you didn't get your food until after the dishes were done.  So, poor Pig suffers terribly from hanger.  Once we'd worked this out, and started feeding her before we made breakfast or dinner for everyone else, her behaviour, and relationship with Man,  improved markedly. 

Apart from food, which is the winning way to a pig's heart, she also enjoys being brushed.  If you tell her "brush brush" the hairs on her back will stick up on end as she knows that the next thing that will happen is some piggy spa time.  We have a big wooden brush specifically for this purpose & she will flop over in joy as soon as you touch her with it.   Pigs don't sweat, so in the heat they need to use mud to cool down.  On a hot day, Pig will often go out to a little wallow she's made in a ditch in the back paddock, and come back some time later looking as pleased as punch and covered head to toe in mud.  

Oh - did I mention that you really need a team of cleaning robots if you have a free-range house pig?

One time I tried to wash the mud off with a hose pipe, but Pig took this as a personal insult and was very offended, seeing as she wasn't even doing anything bad at the time.  I should have realised that was a bad idea - seeing as we have water pistols in the kitchen in strategic locations to squirt misbehaving animals.  A kitten on the kitchen table, a pig getting up on the sofa, a dog standing on the kitchen island eating the eggs - you know - all the usual stuff.  Luckily Pig only mud bathes on hot days.  She earth bathes when it's cold, of course.  So, within a couple of hours the mud is usually dry enough that we can brush her down before she comes back inside - a job that leads to an ecstatic pig. If we were not there with the brush, the mud comes off naturally as the pot bellied pig constantly produces fresh layers of skin cells, meaning that anything on the surface of their skin flakes off within a few days. 

The last way to a pig's heart is to be a cat.  Any cat.  But the best are ones that are tiny when they first meet Pig.  Pig and Cat Five are good friends.  When Cat Five comes home from adventures he will sweep his tail around Pig in greeting as he passes her.  They were babies together and used to share a basket by the fire back in the days when the ground was always covered in snow.  Cats Six and Seven have only known Pig as an occasionally visitor, rather than the house-mate she was to Cat Five. But still she loves them, and will collapse in joy if they make contact with her. 

So. There it is.  Tasty food, brush brush & be a cat.  The keys to the heart of a pig.