Bully This

Cynthia's Torment Part 3

She had been released from the hospital over a week ago.  All she did was stare at the four walls in silence, she could still envision and hear the assault that landed her in ICU for a few days, with a three day stay in a regular hospital room on top of that.  They told her she was lucky to be alive, but to her it didn't feel that way.  By now everyone in school knew what happened to her.  A few of her teachers dropped by and called to check up on her, besides that it was mainly family.  The depression pills left her more suicidal, through a daze she would look up ways to take her own life. She thought about hanging herself, but she was too much of a coward to commit that act. When suddenly it clicked in her head, every time she takes one pill it makes her suicidal, imagine if she swallowed five or six at a time?  They kept the pills in a safe place for her safety, but she knew she could get more.  Her school was also known as a pharmacy with all the drugs a person could want to score, from weed to oxycontin pills, K-2 to heroin, you want it it's for sale.  The only obstacle in her way was she hadn't been in school since the attack. 

It's been more than a week, but to her it felt like yesterday and she refused to leave the house.  Maybe she could persuade her doctor to give her a higher dosage because the old ones had no effect on her.  All she knew was that she needed the pills to go through with her plans. To commit suicide.  There were hotlines and intervention programs she could reach out to but she was mentally, physically, and emotionally drained.  Tired of suffering, tired of the constant abuse she dealt with in school.  To Cynthia it was literally her against the world.  Sure she had her parents, but they couldn't and wouldn't be with her every step of the way and she knew that.  Maybe she could buy a gun and carry it in her purse, but what good would it be to her is she couldn't conceal it and carry it with her where she really needed it. 

One way or another Cynthia was gonna have to slay the dragon figuratively speaking, there was no way getting around it.  What she did know was that her stay at home letter was set to expire in two days, so she was gonna have to face the music whether she liked the sound of it or not.  There were pros and cons with the decision to go back to school.  She could definitely get her hands on what she wanted.  Cynthia knew who and where to get it, the only problem was actually going.  This latest incident definitely left her traumatized beyond her limits.  To her she would be attacked as soon as she stepped out the house, they would be waiting to ambush her.  She had to carry the pepper spray her father had given her.  She needed something to protect herself. Cynthia regretted not sticking it out in that self defense course she signed up for.  School was normally a safe haven for kids with issues, however when the problems and issues were in school, that became double jeopardy.  She felt vulnerable and helpless in any classroom, the lunch room was even worse.  Maybe the transfer her mother put in would come in time to avoid her torment. 

She made a mental note to write her cousin Anthony who's overseas.  Maybe he could purchase a taser gun or "Rambo" knife.  Cynthia searched every and anything.  She knew time was running out and her whole world was collapsing.  It actually felt like the wall's were caving in on her.  She couldn't escape the thoughts and feelings she was dealing with.   She finally understood the meaning of desperate measures and she was ready to take them, just like that. Could the janitor conceal her plan and hide it for her?  They say everyone walks with a guardian angel by their side.  Well the janitor was hers.  Lord knows what could of happened if he hadn't shown up.  Cynthia knew the answer to that and she also knew she couldn't thank him enough.  How could she be treated like that? Was something Cynthia couldn't understand.  She was quiet, shy and well mannered.  Never had a fight, or caused any trouble at any level of education.  She knew she wasn't popular but that didn't mean she wasn't human and didn't have feelings. 

The constant abuse weighed her down, so much so that it lead her considering suicide. With tears streaming down her face she let out a big scream followed by a "I hate you!" "I hate you all!" Her only true friend had moved out the neighborhood years ago and they had lost contact.  How she wished she could speak to Kayla, give her a hug, to finally have a warm embrace and know the person hugging her was genuine.  When Kayla moved to Florida she took a part of Cynthia with her.  Florida sounded so good to her right now.  Away from everyone and a fresh start was all she dreamed about.  Craving a new beginning and embracing everything that comes with it.  She quickly remembered that in Florida there were a lot of school shootings.  Cynthia envisioned her shooting her rivals, but not in a school setting, too many innocent people.  She saw every gang member there, male and female she didn't care, because the guys never intervened they condoned and applauded it.  One particular member named Caz whose real name was Lorenzo, was her next door neighbor, but also her classmate since fourth grade and never said anything.  He would sometimes watch or put his head down and walk away.  In fact, she grew up with several of them and couldn't put her finger on why they suddenly hated her.  Why did they prey on her?

Countless thoughts roamed in her mind, suddenly she was snapped back to reality when her mother spoke up.  "Cynthia baby, you know you have to go back to school before you and I both get into trouble. I've spoken to the principal who has ensured me that you will be safe in school and out of harm's way."  "Ma how can they guarantee me that I'm gonna be unharmed when I leave the school premises?  They everywhere ma, every corner, hanging out in front of the store. The back yard is even worse, feels like a war zone with different gangs clashing and attacking each other."  "I can drop you off every morning and have your uncle pick you up Cynthia."  The look Cynthia gave her mother said it all. "Baby you're gonna have to overcome this obstacle to get back to normal.  No parent wants their kids to endure what you've been through.  To say I'm afraid and don't know what to expect is an understatement. I'm just as terrified as you Cynthia.  These kids nowadays don't play fair and this social media is an evil tool to humiliate people for notoriety is just plain ole crazy.  I fear being at work and have someone call me or tell me to watch a video of you being attacked. Dear Lord, please no."

They share an embrace and she tells Cynthia she too was a victim of being bullied as she wiped the tears from her face.  "How did you deal with it ma?" "I didn't baby, she ran into the wrong person and learned her lesson the hard way, an ass whipping in front of the whole school, followed by another whipping from her mother.  Her days of causing terror were done."  After that Cynthia's mother smiled as she could envision the beating Jessica gave Norma. "Norma lost her bravado right after that and her reign of abuse became a thing of the past.  You know violence doesn't solve everything but baby you're gonna have to defend yourself, that's why I bought you this."  Cynthia stared in amazement and in a state of shock as well. "What is it?" "It's a stun gun and it works like this." Cynthia looked on as her mother demonstrated.  "You know I can't get this into the school right?"  "Ok but maybe you can stash it or have the janitor sneak it in for you?  He did say if there was anything he can do not to hesitate to ask."  They both looked at each other as they were on to something.  There was only one way to find out.