A Thousand Words

01 - Regret

-----TESTING-----

I'm a bad woman, a fact that I won't deny. I've done everything I could do to reach my goal and I've done everything that hurt others including peoples who have love and care for me.

Everything starts just like any other novel's stories or drama's series that people watch on television or on the internet.

Love.

A simple word but it carries a lot of meanings and I had taken this one simple word to another level.

Manipulating. Check.

Spreading lies. Check.

A lotus bitch. Check.

Scheming. Check.

Attempting killing. Check.

And, now my back is on the hard ground, bleeding while waiting for my own death and watching my own husband coaxing another woman beside him.

Ah, the man I had fallen so hard. The man who I have pursued for almost 15 years of my life and the man I married because of my own schemes.

I smile a little when I saw him watching me, I know my smile is ugly when I felt the metallic taste in my mouth but at least he is watching me. Even though his eyes are so cold, I still couldn't let my feelings go.

I have loved this man for 15 years of my life and I have to admit, to delete and wipe out this feeling is not some easy thing to do.

It is not like wiping some dirt on the table or like the words we write on the sands at the beach. No, this feeling had stayed with me for so long that I couldn't imagine how my life without him is.

It's hard you know, this feeling that I have taken care for so long is not so easy to erase. Instead, it keeps piling up until it becomes something that I can't cut it out. Pity though this love is what has eaten me slowly from deep inside.

I become what people call a bitch, a white lotus, a scheming woman, a malicious woman. Huh! They don't know that I am fighting for my happiness and love, but somehow at the end of my life, I still couldn't realize that all of this is only my illusion, something that I create by my own self.

I sighed a little, the metallic taste in my mouth is getting stronger and my eyes seem heavier than before but my eyes still linger on my husband and that woman. The woman who stole everything from me.

"Since everything is settled, we should go." My husband said while looking at me with disdain, my eyes went a bit misty but I still felt happy because he still looking at me. I know that he hates me, oh I know it so deep because he rather does anything for me so I won't make her little lover in misery. Silly of me right? But I won't regret it. I have done everything so I could be together with the man I love. Heck, I even felt happy when I was killed by his hand.

Call me crazy; call me stupid, I don't care. At least I have been his wife for five years and I also manage to get pregnant, pity that the child would never be born as the child is still in me.

'Baby, I am very sorry for mama can't birth you, please don't hate your father for he doesn't know anything about you, but at least both of us would be together at the afterlife.' I want to caress my stomach but remembering that I was already in miscarriage I could only sigh. I want to cry but even though I cry until blood comes out, everything is already too late.

I smile bitterly when I could feel my breath hitched a little. Dying is surely a not fun thing to do. They say when people going to die, they could see everything they have done in their life but me, the only thing I could see is the moment where I fall so deep in love towards my husband.