A Thousand Words

06 - Better Place, Better Life

Have you ever heard a joke that it was so funny that you laughed out loud and couldn't stand properly? If your answer is 'Yes' then that is my feeling right now.

The words that Hyder just said a little while ago made my heartache and at the same time make me amused, didn't he realize that what he was saying was such a funny thing?

'Give this marriage a chance?' has he ever wonder that all this time I was there, waiting for him, waiting for his attention, waiting for something that I soon realized it will never come true? And now he was saying about chances?

While giving him a sneer I pull my hand from him and push him further away from me, now that I see it clearer he is also the same with me, both of us are selfish in our very own way.

"Give this marriage a chance? Don't you think what you are saying right now is so ridiculous that it sound so funny to my ears?" I asked while giving him a look.

Hyder looked at me with a daze, I could see the shock in his eyes but what's the point showing me this kind of emotion? It was too late, I've given up everything about him and I even had a dream about my future without him in the picture and now saying these lame words makes me think that the man who I knew before wasn't there anymore.

"Isn't this what you want all this time? I am willing to take the chance so our marriage could be saved and perhaps knowing you better while we go on this road? I am willing to sacrifice my feelings so we could mend this relationship."

I shook my head. I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"Sacrifice?" I look at him with a funny look. Somehow I remember what happened in our past life. Yes, he is a man who is willing to sacrifice everything. For his love, he is no doubt willing to sacrifice even willing to kill me back there.

"Just what you want isn't?"

"Bullshit!" I walk away from him. Unwilling to see his face but he holds my hand before I could walk farther away from him. I could feel my anger is rising and before I could lose some steam I doubt that I could control myself.

"What exactly do you want from me, Eva? I am willing to follow whatever you want, even marrying you and live a life just like a normal husband and wife and I am also willing to give this marriage a chance so what?"

You know what, fine! I don't have any reason to hold myself anymore, besides this marriage is nothing for me anymore.

"What I want is a divorce! I want you to get back and marry Rachel and have a good life with her; I don't want anything from you and associate with you anymore. Just leave!"

That's it. I'm done!

I grab my purse and keys, stomped away, and never look back. I wish I could be a better adult, I have lived for half a century and seen a lot of things but somehow I still act like this, I know it seems childish but somehow I couldn't control myself.

Leaving just like this makes me kind of stupid but I don't want to say anything to him anymore and I don't want to hear anything from him too.

Driving around the city, doing some shopping, fixed my nails, and once again jumping towards the malls finally I manage to calm myself, but when I drive towards the house, I just hope that he already sign the paper and left the house.

The house was in the dark when I open the door, it was so silent and at the same time looks kind of eerie but for me who had live like a ghost in my past life, this is nothing.

Ignoring my surroundings, I took all of my shopping bags and went to my room. Once I reach my room, I was hesitating but knowing that he might already go, somehow it lifts my spirit.

My room was dark, something does not always happen, I switch the lamp and I was greeted with the emptiness. Even though the room looks the same but I know this room is not the same anymore. I sighed a little bit before I walk towards the walk-in closet. I notice that the bag and everything that belonged to him had already disappeared. I gave a little smile knowing that our conversation this morning was our last.

"I better clean myself first!" I said to myself while throwing my cloth away and walk towards my bathroom.

People say that heartbreak is hurt; I hate to admit but the fact is true. It's hurt like crazy and somehow even though I have accepted that my feelings wouldn't be return or perhaps our relationship never going to be better the pain is still there.

Sighing, I soak my body inside the tub, feeling the warmth that it brings to me, I have so many things to do after this, I have to clean the house, dismiss the maids and if this house fall under me then I'm going to sell it and move out.

"A new life." I whisper as I close my eyes.

🎀🎀

"Are you sure?" Isaac looks at me with sadness in his eyes. He wanted to reach me but I know he holds himself down. I know he wants me to stay.

"I just felt that this place isn't for me anymore. Mother already left, my father ignores me like I am nothing but a speck of dirt and my mother's family thought that I am living like a good princess never even bother to know about my condition, I guess in the very beginning this place never been mine at all."

"Luckily, even though mother had passed, she didn't forget that she still had a daughter and manage to give me some inheritance so I'm still going to live a happy life ahead without any worries." Giving Isaac some assurance, I patted his hand before I walked towards the car.

Looking behind me, I could see the house which brings me so much memory and pain. It was a busy week and somehow I manage to live without him in my mind, the divorce went through without him and he had signed everything in the divorce paper and adding some extra words that he won't take anything from our marriage, so all the asset went back to me which in the beginning was all mine and I start to reorganize the house and manage to dismiss all of the maids and today would be my last day to be in this place.

I am not running away, but I am running away from this place because it brings back so many memories that I wish I just could erase it and throw it away. Still, deep down in my heart, I know that I am going to appreciate these feelings because I've learned something more meaningful.

"Why can't you tell me which place are you going to go?"

"I tell you once I feel that I am at home." I smile while I look at him.

"Call me okay." Isaac tried to smile but I could see the sadness in his eyes, I nod a few times and before I realize it I already step unto the pedal and move forward leaving everything behind me.

Looking through the back mirror, I could see Isaac waving at me. Pity that my mother did not choose this man to be her husband but I am most grateful towards this man, even though my father wasn't around me but this lawyer had stayed with us through thick and thin, supporting us behind our back, loving us as like a family, yet he never got what he wants.

"Aah, Mother... I don't know what makes me relive this life again but I have to say that I won't repeat my own mistake anymore. My past life had thought me that love could not be forced and live your life to the fullest and I might just do that." I spoke while looking in front of me.

Holding my stomach, a bitter smile comes to me, that child has stayed with me for only a few months and gone just like that, I didn't even manage to hold him or her before I passed, but since I've got this chance, probably I am going to meet another person that is more suitable for myself and maybe just maybe that child would live inside me again. Smiling, I inhale deeply and somehow I couldn't wait for what my future held.

"Mother, hopefully, this journey of mine would lead me to a better place and a better life," I spoke as I continue while leaving everything behind.

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Stay safe my lovely readers.