A Thousand Words

02 - His Love

I thought that death was an easy thing; instead, I felt that God mocked me down by making me see my own dead body, my own husband and his lover who is looking at my dead body with sympathy in their eyes. I couldn't help but want to laugh at myself for falling towards this stupid man, yet here I am standing with my spirit form still feels happy that he is still willing to carry my dead body in his arms. I should have been mad at him, I should be cursing him but I just did nothing, I just stood there watching him who is now mumbling some incoherent words that I couldn't even understand.

Slowly his lover approached my husband; she rubbed hi back slowly without saying anything. I smile bitterly when I saw them like that. They look a perfect couple I must say. I must be stupid for making them apart from each other but one thing for sure I did not feel any regret. I was selfish, I would not deny it. It's a fact why should I deny it?

Even so, looking at them still makes my heart hurt. I had loved this man for so many years but why couldn't he see it? I had wasted so many years just for him so why couldn't he notice me?

I could feel tears on my cheek. It's funny, right? How can spirit shed its tears since spirit doesn't have any physical body? Still, I did. I want to say so many things to him, telling him that I am sorry or perhaps saying to him that I have loved him for so many years but the idiot me couldn't even tell him that when I was still alive, I expect him to understand me, to notice me but this stupid husband of mine never did. How much a fool I am?

Perhaps what people say about "Love Is Blind" is indeed true. I let my feelings lead me to do some stupid things and think out from rationality thus leading me towards my own doom.

Wiping my tears away, I could see that finally, my husband placed my body unto the cold floor and somehow the warmth that I felt around me slowly dissipated and replaced by coldness. I want to shout at him but I couldn't even voice my own grievances about it.

Slowly I kneeled in front of my husband and looked at him, I just really want to see him, just want to see what emotion lies behind his eyes. I really want to know what secret he hides behind those green eyes that I have adore so much.

A tinged of pain strike to my heart when I saw him but oddly enough there was a smile on my lips. Why are you looking at me with sadness and grievances in your eyes? It is you who gave me that poisoned wine, it is you who killed our child and it was you who had killed me, so why are you looking at me like that? What's the point? I've died; I now belong to the dead.

"Funny isn't my love, I had tried so many things to make you look at me, who knows the day you've finally look at me would be the day I died in your hands," I spoke, full of self-mockery.

Suddenly something fell on the floor. A small ring of a bell could be heard and in instant, I looked at it. I want to laugh, but I couldn't even make it. That small bell had fallen out from my necklace. It looks so worn out but how could it be new since it was already fourteen years ago when I received that small bell. This bell was his first gift for me.

"Ring this bell and I promise I would be there for you."

I know he was only joking at that time but I did take it into my heart. I don't know how many nights I had rung that bell but he never comes to me. I know it was stupid, crazy things to do but I was hoping, hoping that he would come and gave me his warmth but he never did.

I held his words closer to my heart, I know it was merely a joke but I want to believe, believe that he will be there for me, that is why I never took it out from me, but perhaps my husband had long forgotten about it since he never said anything about it even though he had seen it on my neck.

"You fool!" Suddenly he spoke and I immediately looked at him. He took the worn-out bell, held it in his hand and slowly he falls into a laugh. I was confused at the beginning but the tears in his eyes had said everything I need to know.