A Thousand Words

03 - Dream & Reality

I think I have the longest dreams in my life; I saw many things and saw a lot of people around me who just passed me and then continue on with their life. The time seems slow and at the same time it was fast but one thing for sure I feel alone and lonely.

It was black and white, colorless, and tasteless and somehow I felt so lost. I cannot do anything except looking and wondering why I was in this dream, but I never try to find out. I was so lost that I did not know what to do.

Some time passed and somehow I was transferred to a meadow, it was so green and soothing and it makes me feel happy and calm, then I saw a small house it was beautiful, to tell the truth, in this dream state I could tell the color of the house. It was white with red-tiled on its roof, I want t run into the house but I couldn't even make a single move.

Depress.

It was a feeling that I despised yet here I am standing in the middle of the meadow and watching that untouchable house with that feeling inside my mind. Sighing I try to ignore that feeling.

As I was standing there, I could see the house slowly change following the four seasons. Sometimes it looks wonderful sometimes it will look kind of distressing but sometimes it looks kind of familiar, and just like before I wait and see what it will change next. I did not how long I wait but my feet suddenly I feel so tired so I crouched a little and then the next moment I was laying down while looking at the blue sky, I close my eyes and enjoying the moment of calmness forgetting about the house which I had admired before. The cooling breeze makes my body cool a little and somehow I could feel the cool breeze touching my skin.

Skin?

It took me longer to understand what this means. Spirit doesn't have any skin, and I have lived half of my life as a spirit, how could I think about breeze touching upon my skin?

Furrowing my brows, I opened my eyes and what I saw the first thing I open my eyes is the white ceiling and the first smell I can smell is the lavender scent that I love so much. I was confused, really confused. I thought that I would still in the middle of the green meadow, not this kind of thing, yet what surprised me the most is when I can feel the soft and smooth thing behind me, that's when I jerked and woke myself up.

I was in shocked.

There are no words that I could describe when I saw the soft blue wall and the furniture around the room. I feel that my IQ had dropped so low that I can tell that God is making a joke upon me, even so, what I saw is none other than my room which I had shared with my husband years ago.

I want to laugh but I felt afraid, what if I laugh and everything would change? I do not have that big courage to change this beautiful dream. I really want to applause for whoever makes this stupid joke on me.

I smile bitterly; somehow I feel that everything is unbelievable crazy. I want to curse at something but that's when I realized that my hand seems so smooth and my nails look so clean and beautiful. Probably another jokes, I thought but the next thing that makes me in doubt when I noticed that I was fully naked and some of my skin have little bruises and I could feel pain on my waist.

Pain?

A word that was already long gone from my vocabularies since I was a spirit before. Yet the feelings I felt right now was so strong that I start to doubt whether this is truly a dream or reality.

I stood up, forgetting that I was naked from top to bottom but I did not care, the soft carpet below my feet seems so comfy that I swear I could sleep upon it but I ignore this thought as I walked slowly towards the full body mirror.

What meets me in the eyes is my younger self from years ago, I have an orange hair with loose curls that I've inherited from my mother, blue eyes from my father, a flawless white skin and a nice figure line on my body, I was pretty proud when I saw my slim waist and my 38B breast. The only thing that I saw ugly was a few bruises on my waist, breast, and legs. Still, I ignore it and focus my eyes unto my body, no wonder there was a lot of boys who had send me their love letters when I was in school and at the university, this body was totally hot! Of course, with the idiot me back there, I ignore everything and only focus towards him.