A Thousand Words

04 - Our Decision

The one million questions from Mr. Isaac had made me thinks everything I have done to them in my past life somehow, I was feeling a little bit down but at the same time, I was feeling tired, tired from this stupid drama that I have made in my own life. I could get a better life, I could get a better man and I could get a happy life, but I choose something that brings me down, something that pulls me down into the depth of my own misery.

There are so many things I want to say, so many words I want to use to describe my own feelings right now but my mouth couldn't utter a single word but the only thing left from my mouth was;

"We aren't meant to be," I said slowly as I place these words deep inside my soul. Yes both of us are just not meant to be. I already fight for my own love but it will not be successful if I'm the only one who is trying to make this marriage working. A clap cannot be made with only one hand and it is also the same in every relationship.

"I just felt that both of us couldn't even make it." I continue while I avert my eyes into the picture on the living room, it was our wedding picture, the same picture which was used on my tombstone. I want to laugh at that moment but I knew this laugh is empty only full of self-mockery and sadness.

"Then, that is good." Mr. Isaac said. He leaned unto the cushion and looked straight at me.

"I am not saying that I was happy to see you having a divorce in such an early age, I'm also not saying that I was sad to see you have this kind of thought, but one thing for sure, sometimes happiness is very easy to find, you could find it out there or here, in this place, everything is starting from you. If you love him but you couldn't find your happiness with him then he is not worthy for your time." Mr. Isaac said slowly. He grabs my hand patted it slowly.

"Eva, I've always considered you as my child, it tore me apart when I see how fake your smile is or how fake your laugh is. Shutting yourself out from this world is also the same with torturing yourself." Mr. Isaac smile at me with sadness in his eyes. I bit my lips, trying hard not to cry but my tears were faster than my thought, it slides down unto my cheeks and slowly I cry my hearts out.

I was an illegitimate daughter, my father never look at me or my mother, the only thing why they keep me inside the house because they were afraid that my status could bring their reputation down, even my mom who is the second heirs of the Sciacca's family have to shut her mouth when it comes to me.

I never find what love truly means, that is why I fight for it, I want to be loved and in love that is why I gave all of my love to him. I was an idiot. How could I be so stupid to ignore everything about this?

Mr. Isaac patted my back slowly as I cry everything out. He's right, I am not happy. This marriage is like a cage for me, I marry him so he can be together with me but he never did, instead, it was me who had been in a cage in this beautiful house, waiting for him in every night. How can I be so blind?

It took me a lot of time to gather myself again. I sniffed a little and hiccuped a little, Mr. Isaac stay with me and never said anything, he was there in every moment of my life, sadness, and happiness and he is the one who was disproving about my marriage saying that the man I marry would be the one who makes me suffer the most, sorry Mr. Isaac it took me one lifetime to learn my lesson.

"I wish you are really my father," I said while I smile at him. Mr. Isaac patted my head, his eyes turn soft and I know why he treats me like this.

"I can be your second father you know. Oops, I am your second father." Mr. Isaac laughed a little and slowly he stood up.

"I wish I could spend more time with you, but I still have something to do." He took his briefcase and his eyes fall unto the divorce paper on the table.