I'm feeling really really lonely... I dunno... I was up till 4 the morning trying to write this song and I came up with something kinda depressing so now I need a hopeful song too... I'll write that one today... hope B is okay.. I'm sure she is! It looked like she had a really nice night and I hope that she's just using this as an escape... it's good for her to get away from me for a bit... I just hope she comes back... I love you 💜😔☺️ xxxxxxxxx
Update 18:22 I'm most of the way through both songs and almost have them done
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Got a bunch of videos to record still but oh well... I'll get them done...
Been procrastinating so much and I feel shit about my motivation and stuff... I'm not eating properly still... I feel really sick...
What I really need is to know what my bby needs to hear in the song for us... what she wants to hear... yaknow?
I'm still really lonely and dying to see her soon but I know... I know... I'm just gonna carry on with my day... I saw her livestream earlier and she just... she looked gorgeous and I saw all of the signs and she seemed so happy when I came onto the live and it lifted my spirit so much! Might update later xxxxxx
Update 19:11 I know exactly what to write about now... god I'm feeling so much better right now... still dying to see B and I know I'm going to end up pushing her and pushing her to meet me but... just... I'm sorry and I know... Anyway... I'm so glad to know that my bby is doing well and having a nice time and I expect a picture of her in the dress ☺️ can't wait for that... sure as hell she'll look super sexy!
☺️ omg she's gorgeous
Anyway... I'm looking after myself the best I can at the moment... honestly as difficult as I know it is for her... the more contact and reassurance I have, the better I feel and the better I am at looking after myself... I'm doing what I can... I love you so so so so so so fucking much!!!!! So much!!!!! God SO MUCH!!! 💜 xxxxxxxxxx
Update 22:47
Mumble I met a girl in the backseat of depression She were regaining faith in the friends that left her begging for more And from that day we spent longer than we should have on call But I loved it anyway
We stopped our hearts With a hug that felt like coffee and rain And from the start We knew that one day she'd take my name It falls apart... in my head I hope we think the same way And I love her anyway
I might be a hassle for the rest of your life But I I love you madly and I swear that I'll fight
Oh my god she's gorgeous I can't bear to lose this I think I have found my one true love And Oh my god she's humble Now my life is a mumble She's gives me strength she makes me Oh so tough
There ain't no time to break down hunny I'll be strong and you'll still love me Hold on tight we'll turn this all around Mumbling so loud
Remember nights that we'd stay up just to talk about life And all the time, I'd be noting down the things that you'd like Movie tickets, buying seats to give us somewhere to hide Yeah I loved it any day
Remember dresses see you modelling for me and my mum And getting headaches from the beauty of the girl in my arms Then getting ready dressing up and going out to meet up on our first date
I might be a headache for the rest of our life But I'll get it back cuz that's the life we'd both like and
Oh my god shes flawless I can't stand to watch this Now I know that she's my one true love And oh my god she's humble Now my life is a mumble She gives me strength she makes oh so tough
It's not finished yet But that is the second of two new songs... the first one is more of an internal lashing out and just letting out all of the hurtful feelings and then there's Mumble... Mumble should have been a song a long time ago but now it's here... it's just a piano and my voice... it might need more eventually but for now this is it... I'm going to put the song unlisted on SoundCloud and post a link in the diary tomorrow... so that'll be neat!
Both songs will have videos that will hopefully run into each other... I still need concepts... Oh well...
I'm really happy with the way these two songs are turning out... it's like they should be on pancakes but they aren't on purpose and I think that's great... it's a good representation of my sound at the moment... Let's get these songs done and start promoting the shit out of them! ☺️
As for my bby... she doesn't have wifi at the moment but I'm sure I'll get something later or tomorrow? Monday she's busy still and by the sounds of things Tuesday too... but hopefully maybe Wednesday she'll be able to just sit and connect with me mentally... I need that... but I can wait for now... as long as I know she's safe and looking after herself! Not doing anything to put herself in harms way and having an amazing time... that's what matters to me ☺️💜
