It's Lily's birthday today and my mum is becoming more and more open to the prospect of me adopting a dog to give me a new friend... I don't trust a lot of people with the amount I've been let down but I always trust dogs! ☺️
And I trust B 💜
Anyway... B mentioned a while ago that if she was ever in town and I could be there so we could even just walk past each other she'd let me know and she might be in town today so... yeah if she lets me know I'll make sure I'm out and sat at the fountains. It'd do me good the get out of the house and it'd be lovely to see her even though we can't talk ☺️
So yeah... maybe she'll find a way to let me know 💜🍏 xxxxx
Anyway... goodnight
I love you xxxxxxxx
Update 10:10
Just got up at spent 10 minutes waiting for my phone to charge... not sure what happened to B's chapter yesterday... either she didn't have time to write it or it just didn't upload till today but meh it's okay I'm just glad she had such a nice time yesterday and hopefully another amazing day today! And then tomorrow there's a chance I'll see her... just see not talk to or even be close to and that's kinda depressing but oh well seeing is better than nothing ☺️💜
And she'll know I'm there so that's a plus!
Anyway. I put the link to the song in my bio I really hope she likes it. Today I'm probably just going to keep myself fit and healthy. Thinking about learning a language or starting painting again. Just need to balance that with music. I've decided I'm going to set myself a YouTube and Netflix limit everyday until it gets late and then I need it to distract myself and stuff... yeah I'm feeling much better this morning. Found out about a mental health service called SHOUT here if you text SHOUT to 85258 someone text's you and gives you mental health support. There's that and then there's the cafes where anyone can walk in and get support so yeah I have lots of options if I'm feeling like crap but at the moment though my chest hurts and I'd kill for a hug, I'm doing good 💜🍏☺️
Have an amazing day! I love you 💜 xxxxxxx
Update 14:16
I just had the most beautiful idea...
Since it's the holidays for B I wanna do something nice... so... I had an idea. Only problem is it might mean her doing something she doesn't really want to but I can promise her that if she hears me out on this then it will make her feel a lot better and more relaxed about EVERYTHING... all I need is for her to give me days she'll be free during these Holidays and I mean free! For like the biggest part of the day... like mid morning to mid/late afternoon... and then when I give her a time... go to our bench... I won't be there... but if my idea goes to plan, this will make us both remember why we fell in love in the first place...
That might sound scary to her at first since she doesn't know what I'm planning but... it's going to take me a little bit of time... so yeah, I'm working on it tonight and tomorrow and I should probably have it done and then I just need to know when she's free...
I'll see if I can get that to her somehow... also... If she's worried I'll reassure her... there's nothing to worry about... I will not be at the bench 💜🍏 xxxxxxxxxx
Update 23:00
Okay to start off I think she got the wrong idea! I meant the bench where she lives... it'd mean a lot if she could... I wouldn't be there... I just want to leave some things but it might take a good portion of the day... again it's up to her... I'm doing okay mentally but I really really need a hug... even if it's only mental and I mean the YOS team are away at the moment -_- they haven't been in contact and they went on leave just after I was served...
I'm not worried about me and B anymore! Things seem a lot more positive and I'm sure as hell that we'll get through this... what I'm planning would really help to put any worries at ease but if she really insists that she can't... then I'll do it when the caution is spent...
I love her so much! I just want her to be happy and I want us to be happy together.
I heard she had a really genuinely lovely time today and I'm so glad! She's gonna have a really nice time talking to some new people tonight and stuff! I'm gonna get some new videos up to help myself and to give her something to watch across the next few days and I'll hopefully keep it up from there! Wondering if she's heard the new song for her yet???
I'll carry on with the videos tomorrow and the music and my mum got the form for me to apply for my provisional license so hopefully I'll be driving at some point in the next couple of years which is awesome! I'd love to be able to just go over to Cby whenever and I'd love to be the one hiring a gorgeous car and driving my bby to prom ☺️ that sounds so nice!
Anyway! The drumming video is going up in a mo and the song is in my bio! I really want her to consider this whole bench thing... I understand how she feels about it rn but over the next few days... I dunno what she's up to but if she needs a boost. I'm going to urge her to go through with this ☺️ but again if she really feels she can't, I understand and I'll make sure it's what I do on our first day back together 💜 xxxxxx
I love you! Will update if I remember anything else! xxxxxxxxx
