The Walking Dead {Daryl Dixon}

Here Without You

Y'know it's a funny thing, being comfortable with yourself, being able to be on your own, it is something not many get to master in their lifetime. I did, from early on I did, and it was good; still, finding some idiots to connect with, other people who get your craziness and you get theirs... That's a whole new level of success.

I'm not exactly good at making friends. I get annoyed easily – mostly because there's a lot of stuff that annoys me, like noises when eating or repeating the same thing over and over again. I'm not an easy person and I'm definitely not a people person. When I was a kid, I didn't get why people do bad stuff but then I grew up and I understood, it's because they can't help it. People are born with evil in them, the difference is how much they let out, how much of it they show. That's why I don't like people, they're all fucked up – yes, I know that includes me – that and idiocy, it just really annoys me when someone asks a dumb question or is plain stupid for kicks. Ugh. Pretty much sums up why my people skills are rusty.

Still, for some magical reason, I got the lottery when it came to my friends. It took me a while to even call them that (two to three years), I called them classmates before that. Yet, this random girl started talking to me and she clung and treated me as if we were BFFs and were super close, I reacted by not liking her very much and found her odd. Someone that is so nice to everybody has definitely something wrong with them...Turns out we actually became best friends later on and she helped me get out of my shell, at least a little part. This dude who I picked on – only because he annoyed me first and, as I've said before, I'm not exactly tolerant – somehow, I still find myself wondering how on Earth he became one of the closest guy friends I got. Then there was this other dude who I tagged as a crybaby and who is pretty much the opposite of me, yet he became one of the other closest guy friends I got. Then there was my savior and angel best friend who I'd rather be dead than live without. There was the giant new chick with a childhood worth of Oprah, the rich dude with higher self-esteem than the whole squad together but who saw eye to eye with me (that was a shocking one), and so on...

All this, just makes it hilarious to see how in a blink of an eye it's all gone, and over a decade's worth of a friendship goes down the drain. It's just so godamned HYSTERICAL!, having to bury the bodies of people you grew up with, people you witness make horrible mistakes with romantic relationships, have good and bad grades, study, graduate, move away, keep in contact with and catch up with how work and their partners are doing. Oh yeah, that's just... great.

Clean off their or somebody else's blood, or maybe not even finding them at the crime scene but have enough of a visual image to get an idea of why their FUCKING CORPSE is not even there. Drag their lifeless body outside in order to give them a proper burial while having to watch out at the same time for other lifeless bodies.

Fucking awesome! never felt better.

-

Merle's blue eyes bore into the side of MacKenzie's face, focused to see the moment she would have a breakdown. Last time she had had one it was during high school when she beat up some guy at a bar and landed a couple more on his friend. She blew up, sick and tired of them trying their luck on her after not getting it when she had rejected them several times before. After getting her out of there, so she wouldn't get in trouble, she blurted out how stressed she was with school and how her anxiety had been skyrocketing and a lot of other shit, some of it involving problems her friends were having to the point where she was getting worked up all over again and her face was heating up and tears were streaming down her eyes as her fists clenched.

After he had managed to calm her down and got her to drink a bottle of water and eat something, he bought from a gas station, he took her home and told her to rest for the night and forget about the whole thing. She fought him about the "two assholes, down at Bobby's bar" but he had assured her they were probably too drunk to remember her face, after that he drove back to the bar where a patrol was parked outside and took the blame of the whole thing. Dixons are no good and will never be, for that reason the cops didn't argue and took him without further questions, after all, it was Merle Dixon, famous for getting drunk and fighting (not necessarily both at the same time).

That's why he knew, if she was blurting out so much information while looking off into the distance, it wasn't good and since she didn't know how to handle things, after accumulating them for so long the blow-up was consuming on her. Also, if her beloved friends were involved, he doubted she would be any close to "fine", as she always said.

"Petey was the first one I saw..." Her voice was calmed but it worried him how far off she looked. "He was in his room, I entered and thought...I-I thought that- that it was messy. Messier than usual, but the curtains were drawn, and it was dark and-and..."

"Girly?" Merle touched her arm, trying to get her to speak, to finish speaking. The sudden touch made her jump.

"He jumped me, and we fell on the bed and he-he...". Merle frowned at how glassy her eyes were and how her voice got hoarser as she spoke, "he tried to take a bite out of my face." Her face was turned towards him but she still wasn't looking at him. "He tried to fucking eat me and in return I... I- I put him down. As if...like he- Like he was some fucking rabid dog! B-but he wasn't, o-or at least he wasn't supposed to be!" Her voice was raising and her body shook. "S-so I went to check on Steve but... h-he was on the fucking street! THE FUCKING STREET!! LIKE HE-HE WAS WAITING FOR ME TO CATCH HIM TRYING TO EAT A CAT OR SOMETHING!"

At that point, Merle wished she hadn't looked at him. The void of her eyes mixed with how wide they were gave her the look of a crazy person that didn't have any life inside of them. That and the fact she was laughing, humorlessly but still, made her look like a madwoman.

"Not that he would feed on a cat, no, why would he? Why would he eat such crappy meat when there's a perfect decomposing body with-with its intestines out just ready for him to have a fucking banquet with!" Her laughter made a shiver run down Merles body. If she was laughing, then she had definitely lost it. "But of course it wasn't just them! B-because men may live less than women but apparently, that doesn't make them inedible to those FUCKING FREAKS OF NATURE! NO! No! I had to find Kimmy on the floor of her house, half-eaten with pieces of her or maybe her brother around floating on a pool of blood. O-on a pool... a pool of... it was so red. So dark and...the smell, god the smell of iron, i-it was so..."

"Girly... that's enough" Merle pulled her against his chest after seeing the tears that were slipping from her eyes down her face. "You don't have to-"

"I found Lilly only to have her get bit and for me to stab her in the head!", she cried into his chest, "I- I caressed her dyed her, and felt the crunch of her skull breaking the moment my knife punctured her brain. I fucking killed my friend! I- I- I had killed and buried the rest but she... Sh-she turned cold in my arms and yet I could feel her warm blood on my hands..." She moved her hand as if caressing her face, moving the hair away from her face and staining her decolored skin with her bright red blood. "I killed my friends... I killed my- I killed my friends... I-I killed them. They're dead. Dead... I killed them. I killed my friends... I killed-"

Merle grabbed her and pulled her face against his chest. Her breathing became erratic and then she was sobbing against his shirt. "Shh, it's okay. Ye're gonna be okay, girly" he petted her hair and kissed her warm temple. She trembled in his hold.

"Ye'll be alright. I promise. I promise ye'll be alright. I'm not leaving ye, ye hear me? Ye're gonna have to put up with my lilly white ass for a long time so ye better prepare yerself"

He considered his mission complete when he heard her laughing breathlessly and sniffing the tears away.