that day i murder someone...

the fear look in her eyes

After finally falling asleep last night i wake up with pauly cuddling up to me. Strange feeling after that kiss last night.

I dont know if my mind is playing tricks on me now. Seems like everytime i expose myself it turns into one giant mess.

I yawn as i begin to cuddle more up to Pauly. Then another flashback hits me.

*flashback*
The person takes my hand before i stab them one last time. They begg me to stop.'Please! Please! Dont do it! I swear ill do anything!' They cry for help.'you should of never grabbed me like that in the alley...theres nothing you can say or do for me.'I pull my hand back. Giving them one last chance to prove to me why i shouldn't kill them.'ill give you money! I-ill give you sex..ill give you anything just dont kill me!!' I look at them and stare into there eyes.'its very hard for a person like you. Trying to get me not to kill you. Shame. Such a shame babe.' I just think to myself. Should i really be doing this? Should i not kill them?. Oh hell who cares! They shouldn't of done that! I slowly raise up the knife.

I scream and start to cry. Pauly wakes up and looks up at me."Cher are you okay? Are you hurt? please tell me whats wrong." I look at her and take a deep breath.

"Pauly promise not to turn me in..." I sniffle as i look into her eyes."what are you talking about cher?" She looks scared half to death.

"Pauly i killed someone." She sits up immediately."Cher...." She doesnt say another word. She slowly backs up.

"Pauly believe me...they did something horrible to me! I didnt mean to kill them. But these voices in my head...im going crazy." She just stares in fear.

"Ch-cher..oh god." a tear starts to drop on her face. "Pauly..." I reach out for her hand and she moves it quickly.

I shouldn't of told her."cher! Get away! Your...your a monster." i start to cry..

She said i was a monster.The one person i thought that wouldnt say that. I knew i shouldnt of told or trusted her. She is probably going to turn me in now.

"Oh pauly dont say that!" i sniffle.

"Im sorry but i cant trust you. You killed someone cher!" i nod slowly.
"I know i did. But i would never hurt you. I love you." she shakes her head no.

"pauly please...dont do this! I wont hurt you. Please pauly...trust me. Just trust me." she stares at me. Not moving at all.Its like her body is frozen.

"I dont know cher...i dont know. I have to turn you in. Its for the better." I look at her. "Please dont do it pauly!" I cry.

"Cher...you know this has to be done." I shake my head no. I start to get drizzy. My head is just pounding.

All of a sudden im on the floor, having a rag on my forehead. Paulette looking at me seeing if im alright.

"thank goodness your alive." She looks at me and i just have this feeling of relief to hear her.

All i can do is just look at her lips. A voice in my head just telling me to kiss her.

I sit up and sit on her lap and kiss her.
I slowly pull away. Seeing pauly shocked and confused.

god! I think to myself, im in love with my best friend! How could this happen?

"Cher..." she has that look in her eyes. Makes me want to cry. I know the answer. She doesnt like me the way i like her.

I look away and suddenly she kisses me back.I thought she wouldnt want to kiss me back.

"Im gonna go make breakfast...okay?" She says it awkwardly. Like she didnt like the kiss. "Okay.." I look down at my hands.

Just because i got her to kiss me back..doesnt mean she likes me in that way...im scared of what is going to happen next...