that day i murder someone...

i miss him dearly

Its been two days since rob has been gone.I cried for hours. All i want is rob by myside, kissing me, holding me in his arms. Whispering in my ear saying cute little things and telling me everything is going to be alright.

I havent slept at all. Not even an hour of sleep. My eyes wide open, blood shot. The pain in my eyes from not sleeping and crying.

What if he's gone forever all because of pauly? Should i give her the money? Or is it just a lie? Is rob in her basement or is she hiding him because all she cares about is money?

All these thoughts go through my head. I finally have another flashback.

*flash back*
'Rob could you pass me the glass of wine?' He nods and smiles cutely and hands me the glass. The room is light up with all the candles around the room. Rose pedals on the ground and our clothes on the floor. Rob and me cuddle under the sheets. I slowly sip the wine as rob kissing my neck. How much i love him.

I havent had a flashback for weeks. Every since rob came back its like the flashbacks disappeared. The more i think about rob, seems like more flashbacks come back.

Im missing him dearly....its only been two days. I havent talked to pauly since she told me where rob was. I should be out there looking for rob. But i couldnt get my self to do it.

Im too scared of whats going to happen. I need rob...i need him now.

I slowly get up as my whole body ahces. Everything hurts from me laying on the ground in the living room for two days straight.

I havent eaten either...i havent done anything other than cry. Im a mess, my life is a mess.

I feel like i have no bones. I feel like a pile of nothing. I run my fingers through my hair. Its oily and dry.

it feels like im reliving the 3 weeks after i thought i killed rob.I wish this all was a dream that i could just wake up and live a happy life.

This is my reality whether I like it or not. This is my life. God im straving for a happy life.

i open the fridge and grab a salad. Im so hungry i eat it in seconds it seems.

I run upstairs almost triping on each step of the way up. I take a shower quickly and change into a tank top, leather jacket, and jeans. I put on nice black heels.

Cant go wrong with heels. I take medicine and go downstairs. I drink a cup of coffee and grab my keys.

I start up the car and drive to this mysterious place. What if this is a trap? Why would i trust someone like pauly anyway? All shes done is try to kill me or lied to me.

Whats different this time. The problem with me is that i can never realize how much pauly hurts me. I wanted her and i got her. But i knew at that time i needed to let her go.

I still think of her time to time. Like how she touched me, or the way she kissed me. But all that gets ruined when i remember all the horrible things she did to me.

Now all i think of is rob. Even when i was with pauly, i thought of rob. Oh god i wanted rob so bad. And i had finally got him. Of course pauly had to do something to get rob into her mess.

What did she even do to owe someone 30 million dollars? Maybe she was in a gang And was doing some horrible things, so she made a deal? No that only happens in movies.

All these thoughts are driving me crazy. I snap out of my thoughts as i get into a crash with another person. I immediately get out of the car and realized i had hit someone.

Luckily i had only hit the front and no one had been hurt."Im so sorry lady!" I tell as the women gets out of her car.

She looks at me mad and upset."thanks for ruining my new car! At least you didnt hurt me!" she yells at me. She stares into my eyes. I look away.

"im really sorry, i'll buy you a new one!" She shakes her head no." i dont want you to buy me a new car." she sighs as runs her hands through her hair.

Im such an idiot right now. I just hit someone because i wasnt paying attention to the road. The only thing i was paying attention to was my stupid horrible thoughts.

Me and the woman go our Separate Ways. i honestly insisted her to let me pay for her car. She ended up giving me her address so i could just mail her the money. Its the least i can do.

I just hope i can get to rob in time. I need him, without him i useless and weak. He always manages to make me smile and laugh.

I feel happy when im with him. I even feel happy when i look at him. He gives me this amazing feeling everytime im with him.

I just dont know what to do as soon as i get there...