Swimming With Sophie

REALLY?!?

Luc

The sun is on my back. Baking me. And I realize I left the resort with flip flops. Not the best hiking gear, but I wasn't thinking clearly. And dang it, neither was Soph!

I can't believe she lost her mind because I had a buy one-get one for the poolside bar. The entire resort must have heard her rip me for being a cheapskate and never going out of the house without a coupon.

I mean, she's right. I don't. But why in the heck would I pay full price if I can save a buck? That's like flushing money down the toilet. It's why I'm able to afford the things that keep her anxiety levels so low. The cleaning service, the second condo right next door to mine, the professional organizer who put all of my crap in order. All of it was for Soph. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. A little anxiety over order and control is not scaring me off. And I'm happy to do it, to spend what it takes to make her comfortable in her own home.

Of course I am. I love her. I love her with every single part of me. I even love the parts that rip into me when her anxiety is off the charts.

And that's what this is right here, Sophie's anxiety about our future getting the best of her. She doesn't trust me. That's what it comes down to. She doesn't trust that I am in this for the long haul, for the good and the bad. I need to prove her wrong. And I realize it looks like I'm doing the opposite.

I know this fight has nothing to do with me being a cheapskate. That was her excuse. I know how her brain works, and she grabbed at the first negative she could to push me past my limits. What kills me is that she thinks it worked.

It didn't.

I'm not leaving her. It's not going to happen. But I do need a breather, a time out. If I can decompress and just think for a minute, I might be able to figure this whole thing out.

My heart breaks knowing she misunderstood me. I don't want to end us, to walk away from her. Even though that's technically what I'm doing, walking away. When I said 'I can't do this anymore,' I didn't mean us. I meant I couldn't stand there and listen while she self destructs.

And maybe, just maybe there's a little part of me that wants her to realize what she'd miss if I was gone. Maybe I'm trying to shock her into reality instead of hanging out inside that dark mind of hers. I need her to see me. I need her to believe me.

The moment of clarity has almost arrived. Instead of texting anyone and setting the stage for them to blow up my phone with replies, I post a tweet. That should keep them off of my scent. Then I hunt down an Uber, two minutes away. Perfect.

I hope Lacey gets to my girl soon. Soph is going to need the support. Her mind is going to put her through it, thinking the worst. It's a risk I have to take because the alternative is not acceptable.

I'm not letting her go. And she's not loosing me no matter what crazy idea she has in her head.

The Uber driver pulls up and I hop in. "Airport," I say immediately. This plan better work.

^^^^^
I've missed the boys and their "plans!" And I have every confidence that Luc's plan will work perfectly, as soon as I figure out what it is 😂😂.

Clickbait is next!