We Couldn't Get Along Without Ya

28

Weeks passed by and each day was the same: Darry, Soda, and Steve worked, Dally screwed around and caused trouble each day, and Two-Bit, Johnny, Pony, and I all hung around all day. I gained no privacy and it made me almost wish for school to start back up again so I had some time away from the guys. But, it was early July and that wasn't happening.

My mental state, or whatever it's called, had worsened and I continued to feel worse and more useless and more ugly and more disposable. And my urge to cut grew more everyday. But I couldn't. And my urge to kill myself grew everyday. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything I wanted in that sense because I was under 24/7 watch. Not that any of the gang knew how bad I was getting.

I'd learned how to fake contentment around the guys, which was pretty much all the time. But while I was lying awake in bed as my brothers slept or while I was showering and hidden behind the curtain, that's when I was free to stop faking it, as long as I stoped faking it quietly.

But I was reaching my breaking point.

It was Friday and I was at home with Pony, waiting for Darry and Soda to get home. Two-Bit and Johnny had just left and we hadn't seen Dally all day.

"Hey you wanna help me start dinner?" Pony asked.

I gave him the death-stare and said nothing. He didn't deserve it but I was so sick of faking being okay all day.

"What's wrong? You were fine a few minutes ago." Pony asked, confused.

"God, it's nothing." I groaned.

"Katie, calm down, okay? Talk to me. You've been doing better lately, what's this all about?"

"Oh yeah I've been doing fan-freaking-tastic lately!"

"Katie —"

"Stop Ponyboy! Just stop!" I yelled, getting up and storming out the front door, running right into Soda and Darry.

"Hey, what's the yelling about? What's wrong?" Darry asked me, putting an arm up to stop me from leaving.

"God, just stop! Stop asking that!" I said, brushing past him only to be stopped by Soda.

"Oh no, no, no. You don't get to walk away from us when you're upset. That didn't lead to anything good last time. You talk to us, you tell us what's wrong so we can help. You don't get to run away again." Soda said.

I scoffed and shook my head. "Watch me." I said lowly before pulling out of his grip and running out of the yard. Here we go again. The only difference would be that I would kill myself this time.