Unwanted (BoyxBoy) ~Completed~

Unwanted Ch.4

"My Shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My Shallow Heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I Wish Someone Up There Will Find Me

'Till Than I Walk Alone" 

Green Day 

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Monday arrived sooner than I hoped for and my mom ended up having to drag me out of bed. Another day of having to face Sam. I dragged my ass out the door and headed to school in a sour mood. No one asked why I missed school on Friday because truthfully, they just didn't care.

I didn't see Sam outside so I rushed in through the school doors and into my first period class. I was early and didn't even take a chance at stopping by my locker. After a while the bell rang and students started piling in followed by the teacher.

"Ok class we'll be working on our interacting skills. I want our class to bond and for each of you to get to know each other. I'll pair you guys up and no complaining because obviously you'll get paired up with someone you don't usually hang out with." The teacher said to the class. See this is what I hate about school. Why pair us up with people we don't know when you feel mad uncomfortable working with them?

She started pairing everyone up and finally reached me.

"Ok Luke. You'll be working with Derek." She said and than moved on to the next pair. Oh man, not Derek. He hates my guts. Yep you guessed it, he's one of Sam's little buddies.

"Listen homo. I'm only working with you because I have no other choice. I'll write my answers on the paper and you write yours. There's no reason for me to want to know anything about you cause your just a piece of shit. Got it?" Ouch. What a jerk. Well there's no need for me to want to know anything about him either. I just nodded my head and did as he said. No I'm not being a wimp, I just don't want to get another beating. I'm still healing from the last one anyways.

When the teacher handed out the interview papers I wrote down my answers and he wrote his than we traded papers. The bell finally rung and I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. I haven't seen Sam yet and I hope it stays that way. Once I reached my locker my face paled.

Someone had painted it like a rainbow and the word fag was written across it in big black letters. The kids started laughing once they realized that the locker was mine and others sent me disgusted looks. I just ran out the school and didn't care if I got in trouble or not. Worst day ever!!!

I ran across the block all the way home. Call me a coward or whatever you want but each day just gets harder and harder to endure. I can't face them today after what Sam did to my locker. Yes I'm positive he's the one that did it. Who else would try so hard to ruin my life?

I slept the rest of the day to stay away from this place for a while. I love sleeping. It's the only time I feel nothing. No pain, no worry, no torture. My one wish is to be able to fall asleep and never wake up again. Yes that would be just perfect.

"Luke. What are you doing home so early? Don't you get here by three?" Shit. My mom got home already.

"I uh I didn't feel good so um I went home?" I said more in question form hoping she would believe my lie. She walked up to me and looked at me worriedly.

"Sweetie, you should have called me at work than. What's wrong, did someone hurt you again?" Wow did she get it right on target. Well they didn't hurt me physically but you get the point.

"Sort of. The same kid keeps on bullying me and he did something really humiliating to me today. I'm sorry mom but I couldn't deal with him so before it got worst, I left." I told her leaving out some main details.

"Well it's better than you trying to hurt yourself again. Just don't tell your father ok. He might not react to kindly." She said giving me a hug. Hell no I would never tell him. Of course he would just force me to go back and face my "stupid" fear as he puts it. I wish we could trade spots and see how he would react to all that's happening to me. Yeah than who would be the coward, him that's for sure.

"No mom I won't tell him. He'll just insult me anyways and make it worse." I replied to her.

"Oh Luke. I wish I would be able to help you out some way. Would you like me to go and have a little talk with this kid's parents?" She asked.

"NO! That would just make things worse. It's high school. Parent's don't go protecting their kids from bullies anymore and having a talk with their parents. I'd just be known as a wimp who can't stand up for myself and goes crying to my mommy for help. I rather just stick to how things are going." I told her.

"Ok but you can't keep on doing this. You know leaving school because of bullies." She told me getting up to leave. I just nodded because she didn't know my plan of skipping some days of school.

After a while I heard my dad get home and I didn't want to face him at all so I didn't bother going downstairs. I laid in bed, my mind clouded with thoughts. I didn't eat dinner either with them once night arrived. Nothing made me hungry anymore. I feel too scared of the world and worry is all that fills my mind.

What if Sam finds someway to let my parents know that I'm gay? All these terrible thoughts filled my head until I just couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my razor and held it in my hands. Tears pooled in my eyes and my vision blurred until they dripped down my cheeks.

It's been a while since I last cut. Scars still mark my wrists and soon new ones will be added. I take the razor and press it hard against my wrist making a nice long cut. It hurts so much until the pain I feel inside my chest overcomes the physical pain. Blood drips out of the cut and I ignore it making another cut a bit higher than the first.

Sobs escape my mouth and soon I realize how big the cuts I've made are that they'll need stitches. Right now though I don't care. I drop the razor and lay there with my wrist sliced open. I feel so numb right now that nothing affects me. Only a small sting is present but other than that I don't feel a thing. Soon I fall asleep or pass out. I don't know which all I know is that the next day guess what, I'm in the hospital yet again.

I got my wrist stitched and thankfully it was my mom that found me. We agreed that if I gave her my razor and any other sharp objects I have, she wouldn't put me in the program. No school for me today so yay for that but now I'm itching from anxiety and pacing around my room like a maniac.

No pills. No razor. Nothing. My mind is going crazy and I don't know what to do. I've been drinking to keep me some what sane. Yes I stole my dad's beer bottle but he doesn't need to know that. Eventually my body gives out and the next minute I'm snoring on my bedroom floor. Oh you gotta love my life don't you?

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