Posted Five Minutes Ago [TreeBros/Cevan]

~Aftermath~

Evan's POV

Before that moment, I didn't realise how much I needed that embrace. While I knew that Connor was a real person, those few seconds of connection really made it sink in that there was at least on person in the world who I could trust and who trusted me. After we pulled away, I could see that Connor was a little red in the face, and I knew that I probably was too. I almost forgot that we were actually classmates before the emails until I went to resume silently sitting with Jared. 

"What was that about?" He asked, a smirk on his face, but his tone suggesting genuine concern. Understandable, since Connor had a reputation of being someone to stay away from. Connor had told me a fair amount of stuff about him, stuff he's said he doesn't want anyone else to know, so I know that he isn't the person he puts forward to the world. 

"He wanted some more of my notes," I said quickly, having formulated an excuse on the walk back in the event Jared would ask about it. 

"Jesus christ, Ev," the other boy said, sighing deeply. "You didn't give them to him did you? He's using you." I shook my head, which wasn't a lie. I didn't give him any notes. A smile soon appeared on Jared's lips and he nodded with approval before returning to what he was doing. 

~

Dear Evan,

So, today happened. Sorry if it's weird emailing you now when we could just talk in person or on Facebook. It's going to be a little strange getting used to talking to you as Evan Hansen for a little while haha. 

In response to your last email, I can't call tonight since we're going to something for my sister (a jazz concert, I believe. Im not big on jazz, nor am I big on sitting in an auditorium surrounded by parents who were also probably forced to attend.) 

Anyway, wish me luck. I'll email you if I make it through the concert. 

Sincerely, Connor. 

He was right that it felt a little weird talking now, but not enough to justify stopping emailing. This was our safe place, the form of communication that felt the most comfortable, and knowing that I'm actually talking to someone who's probably just a few streets away instead of miles wont change that. I sat on my bed, smiling ever so slightly to myself. This was the most detailed response that Connor had sent to me for a while, and it had now become clear that he felt more relaxed having cleared things up, which was great. 

I had pictured what Connor was like when emailing me before, but obviously there was no exact face to put to the words. It was always a generic-looking person that my brain made up, probably from looking at strangers, speaking with his voice. However, now I had an actual person in my head. I imagined him sitting peacefully on his bed, his room made up with dark-coloured walls and decor, with the exception of a couple of OBC recording CDs standing prominent on a bookshelf. He'd sit with his knees pulled close to his chest, phone open on his email app and his long, curly hair acting like a blanket over his head and shoulders. His warm eyes would carefully look over the words I'd send while he delicately crafted a response. 

I found myself staring blankly at the wall and  quickly snapped out of the trance I had put myself in. I typed out my response before pushing my laptop away and laying down, eyes now fixed on my roof. I still had little glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to it from when I was little. I flicked my lamp off and focused on them, thinking about how I've been looking at these little pieces of plastic for years, each with different thoughts. When I was around 7ish, and was eagerly anticipating wearing my Halloween costume the next day, times I was thinking about the crushes I had on a small handful of boys and girls who I had met,  when I was thinking about how bad everything was, and how I didn't want to wake up the next morning if I was still going to feel like that. However, I could now look up and think that it might just be okay. Connor makes it okay. 

The weirdest thing is that Connor wasn't some magic cure that came into my life and swept all of my issues away. It's like my problems are a broken arm, and Connor is the cast and painkillers. Supportive in the long term, and making things feel a little less shit in the short term. He can't fix everything immediately, but he's there, making me feel less alone, making me feel wanted, making me feel like I don't have to hide away. And now I know that he isn't far away, and he's a real person. All of my previous assumptions about Connor Murphy had disintegrated, leaving the reality of his kind nature in it's place