Posted Five Minutes Ago [TreeBros/Cevan]

~Revision~

Connor's POV

Evan and I had started revising together after school in an empty classroom. They were a little awkward at first, the two of us sat in silence while one of our phones played music, occasionally asking for help, but soon enough the sessions became like our calls. Comfortable, fun even. Very little revision was actually taking place by the time it got to April, and we spent the time mostly talking. 

I leant on the desk, watching Evan doodle a little tree in the corner of one of his textbooks as we discussed what we would be studying next year. I was taking art and physics, while Evan had decided on English literature and language. Despite not going on the same courses, we were attending the same college. 

"Those courses are so different," He said, a small smirk on his lips as he continued shading. 

"Not true," I replied. "You've got to draw diagrams in physics. That's art." He chuckled slightly, before sitting upright and turning his book towards me.

"What do you think?" 

"Looks perfect. I'm sure the person who is given this after you will really appreciate it." I winked at him. He wasn't too bad of an artist himself, actually. Most people only excel in one thing and are only okay at others, but Evan seemed to have plenty of talents. 

"Hey Evan, here's a flyer for the-" Jared suddenly walked through the door, Alana by his side holding a small stack of glossy paper. As soon as he looked at us, he cut his sentence short. "Since when did you have a 'revision buddy', Ev?" He rested his hands on his hips, grinning like he had just caught Evan doing something he shouldn't and was looking forward to teasing him. Evan looked over to me. 

"We're helping each other," He replied, discreetly moving around the notes so it did just look like two people working. I didn't think Evan and Jared were particularly close, but the way the two talk is like they're long-time friends. Part of me didn't realise why Evan didn't just say we were hanging out, but another part had a suspicion that it was something to do with my reputation among the people in our year that actually knew me. I had a short temper, and would sometimes snap when it wasn't really necessary, but it wasn't ever anything personal. It was a defence mechanism- people can't hurt you if you don't give them the chance to get close. The only person I've really let in since I was a little kid was Evan. 

"Strange interactions in English, mysterious and private conversations, secret revision sessions...I know what this is," Jared started, raising his eyebrows. Evan's face had flushed a deep red and it was obvious that he was slightly uncomfortable with what his friend was inferring. 

"Jared," Alana chimed in, noticing Evan's face and gesturing down to the flyers.

"Oh yeah. We've been told to give everyone these flyers for the Year 11 Prom. I'm sure it'll benefit you two." The boy took two pieces of paper off of Alana's pile and slid them onto the desk before disappearing out of the door to head to his next destination. Evan took no notice of what was on the paper and was instead fixed on looking at the door. 

"Are you okay?" I asked. There was a moment before he looked at me, a weak smile growing as he gathered up his things. 

"Oh, yes. Can we finish this another time? I need to- I have to go." He stuffed all of his paper into his bag and rose to his feet, heading towards the door. Swiftly, I put my own things away and go to catch up with him. 

I managed to catch up with him just before he left the building. It wasn't until the third time I called his name that he slowed and reluctantly turned to look at me. 

"What's going on?" I asked quietly. He took a deep breath, clutching his back pack. He seemed to have gone back to being the Evan Hansen I had only barely noticed in my classes, rather than the Evan I loved. 

Or cared about. Whatever.

"He doesn't mean to, but Jared can make things seem like a bigger deal then they are." He continued looking at the floor, speaking quickly. "He might talk to people, and make this seem strange, and then they'll come with questions, maybe insults...maybe they'll act nice when they're actually just laughing the second they turn away and-" 

"No-one'll care, Evan. It's less than a month until exams start, everyone has bigger things to worry about than who you're friends with." I gently placed a hand on his shoulder, and for a second he relaxed. "Though I didn't realise people knowing you're friends with me was such a bad thing." I instantly regretted my last comment, but I couldn't deny that it hurt  to see Evan getting worried over this.

"It's not that..." He bit his lip. I looked at him desperately, wishing he'd just talk to me. Perhaps I shouldn't have revealed my identity to him when I did, it's just seemed to have made things harder. We don't hang out during the school day, and only occasionally talk to one another if there's no one else around. I thought it was solely to do with Jared, but it'd become clear that he didn't want anyone to make comments about us to him. I wished that I could go back and fix all my previous errors that lead to me being labelled as a weird loner. Maybe Evan wouldn't be so nervous about this then, or perhaps we would have gotten close a lot sooner if I was more approachable. Evan seemed to have notice my slight change in expression, one of genuine hurt. He took out his phone and started typing something, before sighing deeply. After about five minutes of silence, he slowly turned, took one look at me, stepped out of the door, my phone vibrating the moment he did. I opened my emails;

Dear Connor Murphy, 

Im sorry if I'm being ridiculous. I am being ridiculous. I shouldn't worry about this but I do and it's because Jared knows something about me that I was going to tell you soon. I'm bisexual, and it's not really a big deal but I keep it to myself. Jared does this thing where if I act friendly to someone, he makes jokes about liking them. But liking them in a more-than-friends way and it not only scares people off, but if other people hear they get involved too. Since he found out I was bi, he doesn't just do it around girls anymore. 

Jared isn't a bad person, he's just stupid sometimes, and if he was to make these jokes around the wrong people, things might get out or be spread, and I'm not ready to step out like that yet. I wish I had it in me to be with you without putting an essence of thought into it but right now I can't help but feel like everyone's staring. It's not to do with people knowing we're friends, it's more people assuming we're more than that and being cruel about it. 

Which brings me onto the next thing but it's getting a bit awkward and tense just standing like this so I'm going to send this and leave to type the rest.

Sincerely, Evan.

It made me smile a bit that he still signed it, but it soon disappeared as I thought about the rest of the email. Soon though, a second message arrived in my inbox.

Okay so,

I think I'm also worried about what you think about what Jared suggested. I don't want us to grow apart or for things to become awkward because you're the one person who will put up with me and by just being there you've helped me a lot. More than you could imagine. You're a great friend and I'm unbelievably lucky to have you in my life. And it's kind of annoying that I think, maybe, I might like you more than a friend anyway. 

I'm sorry.

Sincerely, Evan.