Before She Ruled (Before Series, Book 1)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Against his better judgment, Theo decided he would attend the royal wedding. He told himself that it would be the best way to get over her. It would never feel real in his mind unless he saw it for himself. In his mind, the only person that Adelaide belonged to was him.

At first, Theo hadn't even considered attending. After all, he wasn't on the best of terms with the royal family and hadn't precisely been expecting an invitation to the affair. But to his surprise and despair, one arrived at Kingfield House. It was the most finely crafted invitation he had ever received, and he desired to promptly rip it in two.

He restrained, however. He placed it on his desk, where it taunted him for near two weeks.

On the day of the wedding, Theo sat dazedly in Andrew's carriage as it brought them to Chapel Royal, St. James' Palace.

They did not speak, which was a miracle in itself. Theo had braced himself for some of Andrew's words of wisdom, advice, any number of speeches the old duke had been saving for the occasion, but none came. Perhaps there were just no suitable words.

When they arrived, he let Andrew make all the decisions. Which way to walk, what doors to enter, where to sit.

Every small step felt like he was making his way across the English Channel, only he had fallen out of the boat, and now he was left to swim every aching mile. The effort of just being present was one of epic proportions. Present physically, anyway. He went through the motions he had practiced his whole life, nodding, smiling, shaking hands.

But mentally, he was far away. Mentally, he couldn't be here in this cathedral where Adelaide was marrying Prince George.

His brain wouldn't accept it. Which brought him back to why he was here in the first place. To force himself to accept it. To force himself to accept that he could never have her. To accept that she was another man's to hold and touch now.

It was a terrible idea, really. Sick to his stomach, Theo had held back the desire to make a run for it twice already. The ceremony had not even begun.

When it finally did, it was long.

Agonizingly long.

It was torture to be sitting in that pew for over an hour, having to gaze upon her. When she walked into the chapel, everyone had stood. And Theo had, to his total and utter ruin, a direct line of sight to her.

She was amazing.

Glowing in the flickering of the candles, her wedding dress draped around her like a glorious shield. It was a simple design, which Theo was sure was done at her request. And it was perfect. She was perfect. She held her head high, and her crown did not slip once.

She was perfect.

But she was not for him.

He repeated it in his head over and over as she walked down the aisle.

She is not for you. She is not for you. She is not for you.

When it was over, Theo walked in a daze out of the chapel. He thought maybe he heard the voice of someone talking to him, but he didn't stop. He walked, numb, to the approaching carriage.

"Drop me at White's," Theo said to the footman as he got inside.

Andrew gave him a disapproving look, but Theo ignored it. Tonight, he would drown himself in distractions. Liquor, gambling, cheap talk, he didn't care what it was as long as it kept his thoughts from Addie.

He stepped out of the carriage and was assaulted with the sound of ringing bells in the distance, signaling the royal marriage. A full peal of goddamn bells. Theo ducked his head, determined to leave his heart out on the street. The club welcomed him with open arms and Theo sat in the din, drink in hand, waiting to forget.