Before She Ruled (Before Series, Book 1)

Chapter Forty-Two

"I cannot believe we are doing this," Theo grumbled on their ride back to London the next day. They were alone in the carriage together. Theo had given Emilia the option of riding with them as well, but she decided to be with Will. Addie wasn't surprised, of course, but Theo had given her a strange look.

If it had been any other day, he likely would have protested that his sister shouldn't be alone with the man that had ruined her. But by now he trusted Will. And this way, Theo got to pull Addie onto his lap like he was doing now.

"I swear if anything happens to you or my child," he said, nuzzling his face into her hair so his words came out muffled. His arm wound its way around her increasing belly.

Addie wasn't going to be dissuaded. This was her only chance to prove she hadn't killed her husband, and she was not going to waste it.

"It will be fine," she soothed, leaning back into him. She twisted and placed a kiss atop his head.

As the carriage drew closer and closer to the busy streets of London, Addie could feel Theo becoming stiffer, holding her tighter.

When they arrived, everyone took their places. Addie was the last to enter the abbey before the procession began. They had designed it that way to bring maximum attention to her attendance. It was an effective strategy, to say the least. There seemed to be a collective gasp as she made her way down the aisle to the front. She heard whispers demonizing her name and saw looks disdaining her presence, but yet she continued. Addie refused to carry the guilt that others flung at her.

Candlelight flickered in the dimmed church, but Theo still caught her eye. He sat toward the back of the pews, much to his chagrin. She wanted to believe that he understood her need to make this stand alone, but his face did not indicate such. Addie briefly saw King Ernest, his hatred for her evident though he remained seated. She sent a quick thank you to Will in her mind.

Finally, she sat, smoothing her mourning gown beneath her unsteady hands. Addie trained her eyes on those shaky fingers, knowing that at this moment it was the only safe place to lay her gaze. Emotions as she never knew them before rose within her.

It wasn't difficult to play the grieving widow that the public was hoping to see. Addie honestly did grieve for George. His death was meant for her, and while she refused to accept the blame that others placed her with, she had a guilt of her own.

George was a complicated man, and ultimately, a selfish one. But Addie knew everything he did stemmed from his desire to be accepted as someone he knew he was not. Could he be blamed for that? The jurisdiction and persecution of society ruled over his actions, turning his real self into inconsistent characters he couldn't keep up with.

Regardless of his actions, in the end, she still regretted his unfair death, and as the proceedings began, tears flowed freely from her eyes. How had it come to this? She would find who was responsible or die trying. For her sake, for Theo's sake, and for George.

Words, endless but unmoving words, were spoken in tribute to his life. Finally, it was her time to stand.

A commotion of hushed whispers began to echo behind her as she made her way to the pulpit. She couldn't blame them, for what she was about to do was highly untraditional; a risk most would not take, a route most would not make.

With a deep breath, she prepared her voice to be heard. Addie shook, and she hoped that her words would not fail her now when she needed them the most. With a familiar uneasiness, her tongue was heavy and awkward in her mouth. Addie prayed that her thoughts would ring true.

She was no longer a woman who was unsure of herself. Never before had she been more certain of what she was about to say. Addie wasn't saying words that she merely believed she should say, nor was she spewing the first thoughts that came to her mind: Addie was speaking the things that she believed and knew to be true. So, she cleared her throat and spoke.