Before She Ruled (Before Series, Book 1)

Chapter Eighteen

Theo sat thinking about Andrew's words for a long time after he had left. Theo had always been a proud man. It was why he'd run from his duties after the death of his parents. His pride would not let him fail at something.

But then he started to try living the life they would have wanted and still his pride followed him. He wore it like a badge. At first, it was just as an act, to make people think he had it all together.

But then it became something more, until one day even he believed it. Theo liked feeling that way, in command and so sure of himself. But he had never been more insecure than he was right now, the evidence of his foolhardy single-mindedness laying before him.

Eventually, he moved his armchair over so that he could sit closer to Addie. He watched over her deep breathing for a while, marveling at her beauty as she slept. Her full lips were parted slightly, her eyelashes fluttering in barely recognizable movements, her sleek waves of hair laying around her face in a halo. But then his thoughts drew him back in and he was lost in his own self-retribution. Theo didn't know how much time had passed when Addie's voice alerted him.

"I am sorry, you know," she said quietly.

He looked up to see her large blue eyes boring into his own. He frowned and went to kneel by her side.

"What could you possibly have to be sorry about?" he asked.

"I am sorry for not telling you the truth...about who I am," she clarified.

"Hush," Theo put a finger to her lips to stop her from saying any more. "I could not help but be upset at first, but I know why you did it. I am sorry, too."

Addie shook her head in a slight movement, and Theo's finger fell away. "No, it is alright. You had a right to be mad." She paused. "I wished to tell you that night in the library. But I was not ready."

Theo bent down and kissed her forehead. "I know. I should never have reacted the way I did. I wish I could take it back, Addie. Tonight has been..." He paused, running his fingers through his hair with a deep breath. "There are no words to describe it. I am still trying to wrap my head around everything. But right now, I am simply happy you're safe."

He longed to press his lips against hers again, to feel the warmth of her body—almost as a reassurance that she was truly alright. But Theo wanted to reassure her too, and he wasn't certain if that was what she needed at the moment.

So Theo pulled away, and she was staring at him with an open vulnerability that crushed his heart.

He sighed. "I have to tell you something."

Her brows drew together. "What?"

"We cannot see each other if you wish to stay here."

Addie nodded, not seeming surprised by the statement. "Yes, I figured as much."

"It will not be easy for me to forget about you, Addie."

"You don't have to forget about me."

"Oh yes, I do." Theo ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head at the same time. "I have to forget that you are living in the same house as me. I have to forget that you are only steps away or else I will never be able to leave you alone."

Addie finally swallowed, shifting slightly on the bed.

"Why are you not married, Theodore Shepard?"

Theo flopped onto the pillow, taken aback by the question. "Must we talk of it?"

"I would rather talk of that than many other things right now."