Tattoo'd Lady (A Brian May Fanfiction) -English-

My first and last zucchini soufflé

London - 27th August 1974

8:00 p.m.

"Well done Brian! This harmony is done too" I exclaim satisfied.

I close the pen with its stopper and place the sheets of the musical score in the drawer of my desk. This was really a very productive afternoon, I have to admit. After coming home with my father, I immediately rushed to my room to write the guitar"solo for Killer Queen, that rock-chic riff that my distracted and worried mind couldn't give birth after lunch. The encounter with Lilibeth certainly helped me to find the lost inspiration, it was a half"hour full of emotions, full of sensations that I didn't felt for a long time, for too long time.

That part of me that fell asleep in the illness torpor, in the hypochondria and melancholy, it has suddenly came back to life. Her words, her compliments, her flattery have been the right encourage for me to find the key of this complicated musical skein and her gazes...well, her gazes have rekindled all those desires that I thought they were extinct totally in me. I don't make love from that damn night with Peaches, exactly two days before the hepatitis went out in all its strength, and now that I feel a little better I think it's normal that also this desire is returning. But thinking of Peaches also reminds me about Lilibeth's words about betrayal. I've been really an asshole to cheat on Amalia. I cheated on her trust in me, her love and her respect for me. Even if the things between us didn't work like they used to be, she never cheated on me, never, and I' I might even swear on this as well. Maybe the only problem was me, I ruined everything with my usual spoiled child behavior. But unfortunately this world, the music world, works in this way: the beautiful girls, the groupies, those that would do anything to go to bed with their idol, they practically are everywhere on tour. If you are not careful, you will also find them in your suitcase when you are coming home! This doesn't mean that we artists are justified to cheat on our girlfriends when we are in tour, we could well do like Rory Gallagher does: he only thinks about music and his guitar, he never falls into the net of these beautiful sirens of exotic seas.

On the contrary I'm really weak, I fall in this kind of temptation easily, not always, but very often. Then I feel bad, I have to deal with my conscience that grinds my stomach worse than the ulcer, but all this is not an efficient deterrent for my animal instinct because I always end up to fall in it every time. And I know I'll fall in it again. If we'll be successful in music, in our career we will be surrounded by these beautiful girls everyday, so I know I'll fall in it again. I'll cheat on my future girlfriend again, who knows how many other times, and I know that I'll feel bad every time, I'll write about it some songs to clean my conscience and to feel myself less asshole than what I've been, but I'll continue to do it until this work will keeps me away from home for too long. Lilibeth is right when she says that few human beings can be faithful. Maybe she also has been cheated on, like Amalia.

"But who can cheat on such a beautiful girl? Who?" I wonder.

But no one deserves to be cheated on by those who love. If Amalia had cheated on me, I would have been sorry and I would smashes the face of her lover. But it was me who cheated on her and I never apologized for this "I have to fix it" I think " Thursday, before I go to the studio, I'll go to her house: I'm no long in love with her, but I have to apology with her"

I get up from the desk and I take off the Red Special shoulder"strap to place my faithful guitar on her tripod.

"I think we did a good job today" I whisper to her, as if she could answer me, but she is my Lady. I go back to sit at my desk and I look out, I look at the Hill's garden where the sheets and rags hang out by Lilibeth this morning are dried now, but none of the girls have gone to pick them up.

"I'd like to know what my Lilibeth is doing now" I wonder "Who knows what she meant by "We'll meet each other again sooner than you think, Brian"?"

I sigh and turn to the solar system model destroyed by Roger this morning.

"I'd better to fix it" I think and I get up, but someone knocks on my bedroom door.

Knock, knock...

"Come in" I say and the door opens "Oh mom, it's you"
"Yes Brian, it's me. I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to tell you that dad and I are about to leave and..."
"Oh, yes!" I exclaim, putting my right hand to my head "The dinner for the engineer Jones's retirement. I totally forgot that it was tonight"
"Yes it's tonight, but I know you can't come because you can eat little or nothing" she answers me, entering the room "I prepared the vegetable soufflé for you, it's in the oven and you just have to heat it when you want to have dinner"
"Thanks mom, but I could also prepare something myself, you didn't have to..."
"But why I didn't have to do it? Do you think I would have left you without dinner? And besides, your culinary experiments have never been successful my son: you have to admit it" she smiles and she collapses at the desk where I am still sitting.
"Well, you're right. My first and last zucchini soufflé was really horrible" and, as if by magic, the image of my zucchini soufflé materializes in front of my eyes, it wasn't an edible thing.
"Yeah, that's why I preferred to prepare you the dinner, also because we'll be back very late. The party is in South Kensington, at Kitchen S9..."
"Oh, what a beautiful place! It's very elegant..."
"I don't know if it's a beautiful place. You know, I never leave Feltham except to visit your grandparents and uncles on the other side of the city. Your father instead goes to work, he goes to the Ministry, sees people, while I'm always here"

"And why don't you start working again?"
"Brian, what are you saying? At my age?" she outbursts, shaking her head slightly, so much so that some of her dark curls sway in the air.
"But what does mean: at my age?" I reply "You are young, mom, you are strong and...and I'm sure that tonight you will be the most beautiful lady among all the guests invited to the party"

Mom blushes and she bows her head, my own behavior whenever someone compliments me. But she's really beautiful tonight: she wears a little black dress and the pearl necklace that my dad given to her for her forty years.

"You'll get used to... to do it, mom" I continue "You simply have to take a certain kind of rhythm, that's all. I'm man now, you don't have to worry about me anymore. In a few days I'll be better I'll be able to to move away from home"
"You... you say I could..."
"Oh yes mom. You had so much experience as a nurse during the war, I'm sure they'll hire you right away. Just the other day, while I was in the car to go to the studio, I saw that at Mr. Wilson's pharmacy they're looking for a nurse. Why don't you go and see? It's also close to home, it's around the corner, you wouldn't even have the trouble with the travel"

Mom sighs and she stares at me with her big hazel eyes "I'll think about it" she answers me.

"Yes, but don't think about it too much. How did Horace say? Carpe diem, seize the moment, and you don't let this moment slip away"

Ms. May lowers her head once more, just for a few seconds, then she gently caresses my cheek

"Your father and I raised you right" she says in a low voice "I hope you'll make peace soon"
"We're working on it" I simply replied " I too hope that things go back as before very soon"
"Well, I'm happy to hear that. I..." she interrupted herself and she takes a quick look to her small wristwatch "... It's already eight o'clock, I think Harold it's waiting for me in the car"
"Yes mom, go and have fun"
"Thanks Brian, but you have to rest. This afternoon you've done nothing but play! Remember what nurse Simpson told you: no alcohol, no efforts and no..." she stops again, places her right forefinger on her lips and she asks me with a interrogative look: "What was the other thing?"
"Do you know, I'm trying to remember it since this morning but I can remember it"
"We'll remember it suddenly, when we won't need it anymore because you'll already be healed"
"I hope. Good evening mom, see you tomorrow"
"See you tomorrow, Brian"

Mom gives me a sweet kiss on the forehead and she goes to the door, but as soon as she opens it...

"Good evening Mrs May! How nice to see you again!" the voice of my friend bursts into my room for the second time on this strange day.