YOU'LL ALWAYS COME BACK TO ME...

CHAPTER 5 - THE PAST

James' POV...

My father being present, required me to hand down all the necessary documents for the conference which will be held today at sharp two in the afternoon. We'll be discussing about the previous year's incoming assets and hear the board of trustees' decision for the provision to be made for the computation of the accruals.

I've got everything I needed between my grip and so I proceeded the hallway leading me to my destination. I entered into my father's office and handed him down all the things that were occupying me. He was looking at me straightforwardly as if he was really expecting for my presence at that moment though I know my presence will be in his notice in the conference room later, have I not come now to see him.

"Son, let me tell you one thing. I can see how you work hard with our companies. I'm perfectly decided that during the meeting right after we have settled the focal matter, I'll finally and officially announce that I will be transferring my position in your custody."

"Dad, I'm just doing what is best for our family and also to the people whose lives depend on us. I take this matter very seriously. It became a responsibility that I am willing to carry on. I wanted to contribute for the progress of everyone."

"I know boy and I am proud of that but can I ask you a small favor? Will you please keep your temper at bay? Try not to succumb in pressing pressures and in pushing decisions forward too soon. Consider that not everybody can keep up with your measures as quickly as you wish. Others are having difficulty in following your lead even if assertiveness is warranted. They are rebuilding adjustments in your term--"

"Who gave you that over-reacting fuss?"

"I am hearing rumours from the employees that you love to keep their knees trembling."

Yeah, rumours of course. Life will never be fun and varied without quidnuncs. But then, I found my father's news somewhat entertaining. I cannot keep myself from smirking at the thought...

"Well, if trembling knees mean a different kind of thing I believe the rumours came from the female staff. Oh! How I love the idea of turn--"

"Cut off that crap young boy! You know exactly what I am talking about... and hey! No doing shits in my properties; you know how I hate--"

"Okay dad, enough... Hey, chill! I was just trying to lighten the mood. We can't always press ourselves and build camps in serious wilderness. And you know exactly how much I have learned from you that I took acute measures of not tolerating those malfunctioning people here. I do not condone any behaviour that involves illicit business either private or anything known to others. They are paid to work and not to create mess of whatever design they choose and their salary isn't in any case dependent to the volume of gossips they generate around, as well."

My father showed a face of concurring opinion.

"Fair point well made in there kid! I am glad that you take this matter seriously. You've changed a lot and it is not something I don't take notice. You have become a real man, though. I thought you'll never consider this but look at you now. You have gone so far and even farther than what we thought you are capable of. You have rather exceeded our expectations. When your sister declined engaging herself to focus in our family businesses, your mom went worried. We respect her choice and we are more than satisfied that every now and then she's helping us. While you being the only son, though we tried hard not to expect too much, you proved us wrong."

I was looking at him intently. He was wittering favorable things about me being a remoulded persona and I admitted, I was honored for the recognition he was giving me. Not because I am his own flesh but I knew he had vouched the efficiency and productivity of my earnest adjustment to life. I started paying particular focus to the most subtle part of me in being a member of the family. I wisely chose to play a more vital role not only for the plight of my ménage but to others' lives as well. I had took a better charge on this stage and didn't know right away that the alteration in my point of view had created an admiration to my family's attention.

And he was right. My father knew how to put his notice into good verses but I doubt where the conversation was leading to. I had the impression that he was trying his best to lead our father-and-son tete-a-tete into something else, something deeper but then there was the obvious reluctance in his demeanor. And the more he tried to cover it the more I was getting near the edge of irritation.

"Dad, thanks for all the compliments and words of encouragement but I am fully aware that you are actually in the brim of an attempt for spilling something more, so why not tell me exactly what are you up to."

His look changed. From seriousness, he began to close his lips in a tight straight line as if he was contemplating about something. Then after a few seconds of remaining silent, he heaved a sigh and started.

"I can't get over it... I'm really sorry son for making you do that stupidity and for making you lose the--"

"Dad, get over it! Please?"

I cut him short. So that was it. The thing I was avoiding to come close. It was already in the past and I can no longer do anything about it. How many times should I tell them never dare to speak anything about it, be it direct or just a hint? It wasn't like a memory which I only remember snatches. It was a whole vivid evocation of my fucking frustration over someone.

I wasn't being a coward. I had just decided firmly that I would never draw myself back ever again to that old issue. It won't do me any good if I further dig and force myself to look at it in a good light or whatever lucid array of reasons because it was a misunderstanding which none of us gave a clean disclosure. I avoided getting dragged down to recap and analyze what went wrong all the way. I had managed to recalibrate my life and it wasn't an easy step. Fine tuning my sense of stability over matters that didn't give due credit to the efforts I did to a relationship to keep it moving forward is a task I had allotted so much of my personal sanity. I had set the necessary boundaries that-- if I only saw it coming in the future-- I should have done so from the very beginning. Freeing myself from the old self-limiting principle I had and undergoing drastic changes towards the better version of me was the best shot I did so it cannot be thrown to waste.

Fuck it!

"Sorry son. I know I shouldn't have let it slip again this time but everytime I came to contemplation, it was churning up my conscience--"

"No, dad. It hadn't wreck anything between you and me. You were rather out of that frame, even mom so you don't have to insist feeling guilty over nonsense. It was her choice and my parents had their own. What she did was nothing that she wasn't aware of."

"I know, James but maybe if we did our request in the right timing we wouldn't be mixed up with whatever crisis you were both going through--"

"I didn't know we were under a crisis, honestly. And you know what? That was one of those reasons why I was angered until now. I know you were against our relationship. It was a wordless disapproval but I didn't care because you were modest as always. You were never rude and didn't treat her with any unpleasant manner whenever she is with me. But I knew that you had an oblique liking towards her. Another thing, the crisis we had was not known to me. I had just found it out in the capper, right after that day I had gone to see what you have asked of me to do."

"That was what made us sorry, son--"

"You didn't have to. Let us not resurface the issue, dad--"

"Seeing you this way--"

"Stop it! There is nothing wrong with me!"

Before my anger could start to blow real hard, I headed out from his office not realizing how heavy I have slammed the door. Everyone outside quickly returned to their own cubicle without looking at me. Seemed like there was a sudden commotion going on while I was inside arguing with my father and then everything went into silence as soon as I have emerged from the door. I knew that they were listening the whole time I was there on the other side of that plane.

Cursed those gossipmonger!