Sorry That I Loved You

Chapter 8

You stared at the closed hospital door in stunned silence after Kai ran out. You knew he was an important person to you somehow and something about his enigmatic personality drew you to him, but somehow you felt a fuzziness in your mind whenever you thought too hard about him.

You eventually leaned back and rested your head on the hospital’s hard pillows, deep in thought over what had happened since you came back to Korea. It was no coincidence that whenever you ran into Kai there was tension in the air or whenever he was in the room with you the members would somehow grow silent despite Chanyeol’s attempts to keep the mood up.

Setting your mouth in a firm line, you vowed to yourself to find some answers. It was about time to stop living like this.

*******************************************************

Two weeks later.

”______ah, you’re sure you’re okay? It’s absolutely fine if you want to inside longer. There’s absolutely no rush to go outside.” your mother fussed over you as you laced up your shoes.

“Umma, I’m just going out for a walk, I’ll be fine!” you assured your mother as your tied the last knot.

Reaching for your keys, you gave your mom a quick hug before heading out the door. It had been a while since you got to go outside for some fresh air and you felt relieved not to be cooped up anymore. You didn’t have a specific place in mind that you wanted to visit and so you let your footsteps take you wherever they wanted to go.

Humming quietly to yourself you zoned out until you came upon a familiar bubble tea shop. Staring at the menu through the frosted glass window, you couldn’t help but feel cravings for the strawberry bubble tea with tapioca pearls that was advertised right in the center of the menu. You went in and greeted the lady behind the counter warmly as you placed your order.

A few minutes you were happily munching on the chewy pearls and resumed your walk. For some reason, you felt inclined to walk towards a far corner of your neighborhood. You weren’t sure exactly what you had hoped to find there, but what you found certainly wasn’t what you expected.

“Kai-ssi?” you said, surprised to see him sitting on the pavement his head hung low. 

He looked up suddenly at the sound of your voice and a look of shock crossed over his face. It was quickly replaced however with a cold and blank expression. “What do you want?” he said flatly.

You walked over to him and sat down beside him and as you did, you noticed he tensed up slightly.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, hoping to start a conversation and maybe eventually fishing out some  sort of explanation however. To your disappointment however, he remained completely silent and turned away from you.

“So, uhm, how was practice been going?” you tried to approach a different topic.

Again you were met with silence and you felt your temper and impatience rising up in you. “Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” you said angrily.

Kai remained wordless and still. You reached out and tried to turn him towards you to face you, but as you did, his hand flew up to your wrist to stop you. His grasp around your wrist was hard and it dug into the purple marks that had always been mysteriously on your skin. You cried out in pain and as you did, his eyes met yours and a mix of emotions swirled in the brown depths.

“I..I’m sorry.” he mumbled before automatically letting go of you. He got up and was about to leave when you sprang up and ran in front of him, blocking him.

“Please don’t go.”

He tried to push past you, but you held your ground. “You know something don’t you? You know something that pertains to my memory loss and what happened before. That’s why you won’t talk to me.” you accused.

At your words, Kai kept his head low.”Why won’t you tell me?” you demanded, “Don’t I have a right to know?”

You saw Kai bite his lower lip, but he remained silent.

“WHY WON’T YOU SAY ANYTHING?” you screamed, finally losing all control over your emotions. You felt tears flood your eyes as the frustration and the pain from the past few months of trying to remember flooded over you.

“YOU THINK I WANT IT TO REMAIN THIS WAY? YOU THINK I DON’T WANT TO TELL WHAT WE-“

“We?” you whispered. Kai’s eyes widened as when he realized what he had just said.