Nic's Story

Part 12

"Nic", a dark haired girl rushed towards me. My plan to walk into the party unnoticed failed. 

"I am so glad you are here"

She took my hand and I followed her. I was not sure who she was. She could have been Marcy. As we went through the crowd  I felt taps on my shoulders,  'hi mate' nods. Some guys shook my hand. 

"Have a drink with me. I know everything.. you poor thing".

"I don't drink". I replied.

She opened a can of beer and forced it into my hand anyway.

I put it back on the counter.

"So, tell me. How are you?" her round eyes popped out unnaturally.

"I am better, thank you." I said. "Who are you?"

She laughed.

"Your biggest fan! Marcy! You've heard of me, haven't you?"

I did not. Not until Aaron mentioned her name.

Marcy took the fold of my shirt into her hand and pulled me closer.

"Do you want to kiss me?" She asked point blank.

I shook my head.  

"I do not feel good". I replied and made an excuse to retreat.

She pouted her lips and shouted out "Don't go too far!"

"What a girl" I thought.

Caleb's house was enormous. I could hide somewhere until I had to go home. I found a quiet place upstairs. It looked like a study. Hopefully no one will think to check here. But as soon as I thought that, the door opened. It was Caleb. He must have seen me sneak in.

"Why are you here?" He asked. He was a bit tipsy.

"I was invited". I replied less friendly than I wanted too.

"I meant, why are you hiding?"

He saw right through me.

"Just need a bit of fresh air".

He grinned.

"The air is outside"

"I just want to be left alone". 

He was not easily put off by my rudeness.

"Isn't the whole point of a party to mingle?" 

"I guess". I agreed.

"I did not tell anyone, if that's what you came here to check". He said. "None of it. Everyone is more concerned about me".

I swallowed a small knot of guilt. Aaron was right, I have never asked Caleb how he was doing. Here was my chance and I still could not. Instead I said:

"Look, I am very thankful you took me to the funeral and that you did not out me, but I am happy just sitting here by myself".

Caleb leaned in an inch away from my face, so close his soft hair brushed my forehead. That closeness made me feel uneasy.

"Suit yourself".

He seemed slightly annoyed but gave me my space. The door slammed.

Caleb asked a fair question, why was I there? I did not come to check whether he told anyone.

"Could it have been...no..." I swept the thought away. "No, It can't be". I had to be honest at least with myself, I came here to see Caleb and it annoyed me that it was the reason. The truth was, I had noone to talk to. Aaron did not know anything, Lisa was somewhere between Canada and Mexico, George was far away and not really good with things like that, and Hugo...Hugo was dead. Caleb was the only one who knew who I was and what I have been through. I had to find him.

He was outside near the pool. He'd changed into swimming trunks and was sitting next to Rachel and Tony, trying to have a good time. Rachel was gorgeous in a flowery rash guard with luscious blond hair and a strong pretty face. Despite her fierce gray eyes she seemed approachable. Tony was your typical jock, big, simple, and Caleb's new mate from the football practice.

"Nic, right?" Tony asked as I came closer. "The YouTube star".

"That's me" I said with a genuine sigh.

"Must be easy getting girls now, with all this fame". Tony seemed envious. "Who gives best bjs?"

Caleb threw a sharp side glance at him.

"Jerk, ...ignore him" said Rachel and smiled at me.

"Bet none of your girls are as hot as mine", Tony went on. "She lives in Brazil, sends me pictures of her big tits. Wanna see?"

Tony got up and put a screen in front of my face even though I did not particularly want to see. "Look at those hooters"

 The tits were indeed enormous.

"If I were you I would not be going around showing this to anyone". I said.

"Why not?"

"You have been catfished. That's a famous model and she is not even Brazilian".

"Bullshit "

"I can only imagine who has your D picks now". Rachel laughed. She was glad karma punished Tony.

"That's not funny". Tony was fuming.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Caleb

Rachel looked at me with a brow up and bossily wrapped her arm around Caleb's neck.

"We are so comfortable here".

"Please"

"I won't be long" Caleb kissed her on the cheek to buy out his freedom and followed me. We squeezed under the stairs.

"Changed your mind?" He asked when we were out of everyone's way.

"I came to the party to see you." I said looking sheepishly. "I have something very important to tell you".

Caleb sipped silently from a beer bottle. That silence seemed to last a century.

"Of course you can talk to me. You need anything?" He finally said.

"No, It is just ...I came to tell you that ...that evening in your car, you know,.....on the way from the funeral...I thought of, you know, causing a car crash....".

"What do you mean?"

He genuinely didn't understand.

"I kept increasing the speed thinking what if the car would flip and...end it".

Caleb's face expression changed.

"Caleb. I am truly sorry. It was selfish of me"

"Well, You wished I died instead of Hugo. I guess I should not be surprised". He said dryly.

"Caleb, I...I did not really mean to...I regret...I was upset..."

But he was not interested in anything else I had to say. I had hurt him. I knew I had hurt him and I realised it mattered to me that I had hurt him.

"I have to go". He said "enjoy the party!" He went back to his friends, to the friends who are not tormented like I am, who live their lives as they should - with clear minds and open hearts, and are thankful.