Never Let You Die

1. Lonely Soul

Life flash  behind my eyes as I slipped through Clint's finger. It was because of the look of his eyes; the river of tears that would soon fall, the broken look a brother would have when his sister is hurt, the knowledge that we might never see each other again; is what made me remember who I was. Alias Natasha Romanoff, master assassin. Black Widow. Clint was the person who brought me into SHIELD; the place I never knew would bring me to have a family.

The Avengers. I never knew I could have anything, feel anything, live for anything. But I lived for them, for Clint, for my friends; my family. If my sacrifice would help them succeed in this mission, I would die gladly, and I'd do it twice if I could.

So it doesn't matter. It didn't matter my body was falling with very much speed towards the rocky ground that would crush my insides, and end me. It didn't matter, not if I knew they would all be saved. I owe this to every one of them who disappeared, even the ones who didn't but were still broke and dead inside.

I have only but one regret. Only but one thing I never achieved in life. Something that everyone yearned for, lived for. That I never had time for, never cared. Love.

Of course, I once had feelings for Banner. But it was brief, and I thank God It wasn't serious, because he rejected me. Of course he did. Who could ever love a person who was once a monster? Someone who knew no love in her heart. A cold blooded assassin.

Yes, I had changed my ways. But that monster still haunted me. And it almost never let me sleep. Even more after the decimation. All the people I have killed, all the blood I have shed. All the blood and tears that I had shed as a kid. When I had no one to care for me or give me love. Only torture, and pain, and numbness.

That's why I needed to do this.

Clint had kids, a wife, a home. I could never let him die. I couldn't leave his wife without her husband. His kids without a father. A house without the man. He had a lot more than me. A lot more to lose, a lot more people that would need him. I mean, how could I tell his family that I let him die?

It's a good thing that it's me.

People will get over me anyways.

They might be important for me, but I am not that important to them. They all have someone they love. Someone they will miss more.

I know Clint will miss me, we're best friends after all. Tony might remember me sometimes, but he will always have his priorities. Steve misses his love more than anything, so I doubt I will cloud his mind often. Bruce is always worrying about the other guy, he might just drown himself in more and more science ways. Thor is a god, he has got himself and his world to think about. I bet Fury might miss his favorite spy, but I am not indispensable. Wanda. Oh, Wanda and I came to be great friends, but someone else is more important than me.

There is... someone particular... that I would selfishly want to be constantly thought by. Confusingly, even for me. We didn't get much time together, or even got to know each other quite well. But I wish we did. I wish we had sparred, drank some  wine, tell some jokes or even talk about boys together. Carol Danvers, peeked my interest unexpectedly. I know she is the kind of person I would have a lot in common with. Or at least I kinda think. Not the killing part, though. But the little things.

The little things I like to enjoy in life, I mean.

Well, now I'd never know.

"Natasha!"

I heard Clint cry.

I opened my eyes, while I hadn't even noticed I closed them. My lonely soul was already more than halfway down. The top of the cliff was hardly in view. It was by now all hidden by the gloomy mist. Either that or all I saw was blurry.

You would think I would shit my pants, but in all honesty... I was in peace. I just hoped my sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.

"Gotcha!"

Came a relieved voice.

My head was suddenly spinning now. Most probably because of the feeling of falling and being abruptly picked up and forced the opposite way of my fall.

Something was securing my body and my face was nestled into something cold, hard, but oddly comforting.

It was hard to look up and open my eyes clearly, so I didn't. For all I knew, I had probably taken the fall and was now being transported into a different dimension. Probably somewhere in between Heaven and Hell. And hey, I wouldn't mind Hell if it was this comfortable.