Those We Lose

...in the same way.

Three fat bloatflies lay in the wet grass with a clean bullet hole poking through each one. The girls hiked to the bodies and smirked at the score.

Astrid kneeled down to the closest one and began cutting out the useable pieces, storing them in her field bag. "You're getting better. How far was that? 40 yards?" 

"Just about." Agatha grinned.

"Can I shoot the next ones?"

"Yeah, and I'll carry the field bag for a bit, too. But let's start making our way back. We shouldn't get so far from the carrier."

Astrid frowned. There was never anything close to the carrier, they had to wander out of its sight just to find some bloatflies. But she said nothing because she didn't want to fight with Gatz again.

Agatha hauled the field bag over her shoulder as they started the trek back. She kept her eyes out for movement, and her ears open for the sound of buzzing insects.

"Hey, Gatz... I really am sorry about what I said to you last night, and for the story about your prom. Even Cutler said it was a low blow."

"Don't worry about it, Sis. I forgive you." She smiled for proof.

Astrid shrugged. "I know but--were you hurt?"

Agatha stopped and gave a gentle nod.

Astrid lowered her head.

"I've said things that hurt you, too." Agatha reminded. "It happens. We can't be perfect."

Astrid kept her head down. "I just wish you wouldn't try to parent me all the time. I miss having a sister." She looked up, her eyes reddening. "It's like you never woke up, too."

Agatha rested her hands on her sister's shoulders. "I'm sorry. But, you do know that nothing can ever be the same, right? That world, the one you talk about every night, it's gone."

"I don't see how that means you can't be my sister."

"I am your sister. End of the world or not, that can't change. We're bound by blood." Agatha cupped her face and looked between the blue and black eye. "I promised mom and dad that I would take care of you, and... Arlo." She dropped her eyes for moment and swallowed. "Arlo is gone, and so are mom and dad. You're all I have now--we only have each other. Legally, I would have been your guardian anyway."

"There aren't any laws anymore."

"That doesn't change the fact that it's my job to take care of you."

Astrid said nothing. Gatz didn't know it, but she adored her. Astrid had spent her whole life studying every move her older sister made, and wanting to do it just like her. Before the bombs, Astrid had to resort to petty tricks to get her sister's attention because Agatha was always busy doing something; going to the lab, finishing homework, riding in an equestrian show, practicing for that show, kissing her boyfriend... None of it included the younger sister. Sure, Astrid had her own activities, too. Yet, in her busy schedule she always found ample time to try to appeal for her attention, but it was rarely granted.

In fact, Astrid caused a lot of trouble when she forced a shy boy to be her boyfriend. Agatha, a junior in high school at the time, got her first boyfriend and was a whirlwind of happiness and love. All Astrid had wanted was to be like her. If she had a boyfriend, then at least she'd be included in the secret late-night conversations Gatz had with their mother about boys. She fantasized about going on double-dates, even though she would have preferred one-on-one time with her sister. At least riding on the coattails of the boyfriend's attention would give her something more.

The plan backfired. Her parents were distraught because they thought 12 was much too young for a boyfriend. Plus, the poor kid had looked traumatized.

It hadn't been her intention to get Agatha in trouble. For some reason, she had thought her explanation would make her parents understand that she just wanted to be seen.