The Kissing Booth 2: Don't Kiss & Tell

Chapter 7: Following Elle- Noah's POV

Growing up, I never knew what I wanted or who I wanted to me. Boys don't really think about that in the way girls do. We're told we have to grow up and pick a career. We find a girl we like and move from there. We don't think about marriage or children. We don't think about the later, we only focus on the now. We just aren't emotional in the way that women are. 

I used to be able to date different girls without a second thought. I never saw a future or potential in any of them. I was never looking for something serious. Not only was I not that type of guy, I never understood why guys clung to one specific girl. I never understood why they got bent out of shape over a break up. I remember rolling my eyes at some of the other guys and sarcastically commenting that there were like a billion other girls. Why would one be so important? Better yet, why would one be so important at such a young age. I used to think young love was laughable and ridiculous. 

I held this attitude until The Kissing Booth my Senior year of high school. The moment my lips met with Elle Evans's, I knew I was screwed. In that moment I felt things I didn't even know were possible. For the first time, I couldn't think about anyone else. I didn't see the billion other girls I had previously talked about. For the first time, I didn't want to move on. Kissing Elle was different from any other experience I had ever had. For the first time, I wanted to do it again. 

I grew up with Elle. I was there for all of her firsts. I was there for every birthday party she ever had. I was there for every soccer game or school concert. Sure, Lee was always with her, but I always considered Elle to be family. I protected her as though she was my sister. I teased her, and ignored her some of the time. She was always just Elle until after her mom died when she was only 14. 

It was as though she suddenly grew up, almost overnight. I watched her struggle. I tried to help when I could. I had never lost anyone before, so I didn't know what to do or how to act. I remember he staying the night after the funeral, and walking in on her crying alone in the front room. I didn't dare approach her. I just quietly watched from the shadows. That was the first time I realized how pretty she had gotten. I was like 15 and a half and really starting to notice girls. 

From then on, I sat back and watched as she got really, really cute. I developed a crush, but figured it was only because she was like a forbidden fruit. I was convinced that I was over my crush on Elle until she called me hot. I spent so much time trying to figure out how to act on it, but it never seemed possible. I just kind of hid my desires and went on with my daily life. What else could I do? I continued to go through different girls but never actually feeling anything for any of them. I didn't really have see with very many of them because it just didn't feel right. I let a lot of the girls say we went all the way to make them feel better. I didn't really care about my reputation. I got me where I needed to go. I didn't see a down side until after I kissed Elle. That is literally the day my entire life changed. 

With Elle, I found myself wanting to kiss her again, even while we were still kissing. I missed her when she left and went out of my way to see her.  It was revolutionary. It felt amazing. There is no other feeling in the world that compares to that. 

Losing that feeling has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through. At least being in Boston meant that I didn't have to face it. I didn't have to face her or the mistakes I made. I got to escape her tears and heartache. I got to escape the disappointment I caused others.

Today, all of that is catching up with me. It hurt to know that she existed somewhere out in the world without me, but it hurts ten times worse seeing her in person and knowing I'm without her. This is the first time I've seen her since she walked away from me that fateful night.