The Kissing Booth 2: Don't Kiss & Tell

Chapter 8: Finding My Place- Elle's POV

Waking up early was brutal. This time, it wasn't so bad. I had Lee by my side and any adventure that included him was bound to be epic. Getting ready was full of immense laughing sessions. I swear, he almost died when he saw the tiny practice uniform I had to wear. 

"Elle, does this uniform come with any actual clothes? Better yet, does it come with pepper spray because you're definitely going to need it. I can only imagine what the other guys are going to think, let alone Noah."

"Well, nobody smacked my ass this time, so things are looking up." I couldn't help but compare this situation to the skirt my Junior year of high school. I will probably compare any slutty-ish thing I wear to that moment. I'm so glad that I can laugh about that now.

Back then, I was protected. I had Lee and Noah. In the upcoming months I won't have that. Lee will be 4 hours away and I won't allow Noah to continue his protector role. I wanted to be able to take care of myself. I had thought a lot about this since I accepted the offer to Harvard. I wanted to be able to take care of myself. I knew this would call for some re-branding. The innocent little Elle Evans would be taken advantage of. She was too nice. This time, I needed to take a page out of the Noah Flynn book. I needed to find a way to be feared. 

I wasn't exactly sure how to do that. I wasn't going to change my name (again.) I still wanted to be Elle, just a little more viscous. I could still be kind, but firm. At least my situation with Noah was enlightening. I guess your first heartbreak will do that to you. It changes the way you view trust, love and honesty. It changes the way you view all relationships in general (not just romantic ones.) I'll always be kind, that's just who I am. It's like its coded in my DNA. Even though I want to be cold to Noah, I ended up being semi-warm to him. It was much more than he deserved. Even if I wanted to change that part of myself, it was impossible. I was born this way, baby. 

I guess this summer is going to be spent coming up with ideas on how to become even more independent, and figuring out how to take care of myself without Noah interfering. I would be absolutely stupid if I thought he wouldn't interfere in my life at some point. This was totally going to make dating difficult. Coming to Harvard just made getting over him that much harder. I have no idea how I'm going to move on at this point. It doesn't help that there's always going to be that part of me that is completely and irrevocably in love with him. That part of me that will always belong to him. That pain in the ass part of me that makes me cry myself to sleep most nights. That part of me that just wanted to jump into his arms the other day.  

On the way to practice, I started to hyperventilate. I knew I was probably going to see Noah. Now that he knew I was here and where I was going to be, I knew he wasn't going to stop. This is a problem I didn't have yesterday. Yesterday, I thought he was away at some training camp. I guess I really should thank Lee for that short lived ignorance. 

Mid panic attack I said "Lee, I don't know what to do. I'm not ready to talk to him. I know he's going to push it. I just can't do it right now. I have so much going on here. I have so much to do without completely losing my shit."

Lee let out a huge sigh and said "Elle, fuck my asshat of a brother. He doesn't get to do this. He doesn't deserve this kind of response from you."

"Lee, I don't know how to do that. I can't just turn my feelings off... that would be nice though."

"Well, luckily Elle, you don't have to worry about him today. I'm here this time. He has to go through me to get to you." It was in this moment that I wished I could hug my mom for birthing me the same time as Lee. Having Lee was the best thing in the entire world. We really were like twins most of the time. In the almost 18 years of our short lives, Lee has yet to let me down.