A Fine Line Between Love and Hate

Chapter 5

Matt stood there with a shocked expression on his face. His eyes darted between me and the blade in my fingers. I gulped down the fear that took over my body. He walked towards me and I began shaking, the memories of last night came flooding into my mind and I didn't know what he was going to do. Was he going to hurt me some more because I wanted it to end?

"What do you think you're doing?" He questioned as he pointed towards my wrist that still had the blade digging into my skin. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"I- I," I stuttered not finding the words to say and I knew it was because he scared me. "I wanted it all to stop," I finally got out. I looked up at him and he looked angry and hurt. Seeing that made my heartbeat rapidly increase and my breathing became shallow. I could feel my body beginning to sweat under his intense glare. I couldn't take another beating. My body was too weak.

"Why?" He asked as if there wasn't an obvious answer.

"Because I'm sacred," I truthfully answered but my voice didn't convey confidence. It shook with pure fear. "I'm scared of you. I'm scared of what your next punch will be like," I mumbled.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. What I did was wrong and I- I'm sorry. It won't happen again so just give me the blade," he said. For some reason I didn't believe him. He had told it me too many times for me to believe him now. I didn't move. I looked at him knowing that he was just a liar.

He lunged forward and grabbed hold of the blade. I jumped backwards as fast as could, fearing something would happen to me. He ripped the blade away from my skin which made me bleed more. He stepped forward again and I took a step back, cowering away from him. He looked shocked and hurt but I was passed the point of caring. He took everything too far last night. He frightened and sickened me to the core.

"Babe-" he said before I cut him off.

"Don't! Just don't come near me," I told him as tears rolled down my cheeks. My heart ached and it wouldn't stop hurting just like the rest off my body. "Please," I weakily begged.

He looked down at the ground and I knew he was mad at me for even trying to tell him what to do. He walked over to the draw and pulled out all of the razor blades that were stashed in there.

"Please, don't hurt yourself." He said as he walked out of the bathroom finally leaving me on my own. I dropped to the floor and let my tears flow. I could barely breath. The pains in my chest radiated throughout my body adding to my already broken, painful body. Why did I have to be like this? I must have done something wrong for Matt to hate me so much.

I curled up in ball and let my tears flow for what seemed hours. Matt hadn't bothered me again which I was thankful for. I couldn't deal with anymore emotional stress at the moment. I got up from the cold, tiled floor and walked back into our bedroom, completely abandoning the bath I had run. It was probably just cold water now. I grabbed a pair of clean underwear and quickly changed into them. I pulled on a pair of loose shorts and a baggy top. I didn't feel the need to look cute seen as it was never going to happen. Matt made sure of that.

The phone rang and it ripped me away from my thoughts. I picked my phone up and looked at the caller identity and realised it was Brian. I really didn't want to talk to him now but I knew if I didn't pick up he would carry on calling or might even show up at the house and I couldn't risk him doing that.

"Hello," I mumbled.

"Hey you, do you fancy going out? Leah is driving me insane. If I spend one more second with her I'm literally going to rip my hair out," he chuckled.

I felt my stomach drop. How was I meant to get out of this one? I couldn't see him looking like this. I was a pure mess and no amount of make up would cover the evidence of Matt's fist.