Sliced Trees and Dead Words

18 - Irrelevant, jealous shit.

- WOLFE -

If it were possible to kick oneself while driving, I would be doing it right now.

Why the hell did I just lie to her? Well, I know why. It's because I've read a third or so of the way through that cursed black book, and if it's depressing me to read how much she meant to him and how unrequited his love for her was, I can only guess at how that would affect Luna to read. She didn't need to carry any of the guilt I know she's feeling about not doing enough for him any more than she already is.

What he's written would crush her, so I'm just protecting her from that. I'm sure if I really battle it out with my conscience that I would win this one. Caring for someone else's emotional wellbeing first and suppressing information for their own good isn't completely immoral. It's just bending the truth a bit.

Technically, it's not a suicide note; at least, not what I've read so far. It's more like an autobiographical account of his life, with no reasoning for his decision identified or a last goodbye to anyone mentioned as yet.

I'm clutching at straws here and I know it.

I'm an awful person.

Made even more awful because I'm fucking loving the feeling of Luna's thumb rubbing the back of my hand, especially when she passes the edge of the bandage and her skin touches mine. It sends little bolts of warm energy from my hand all the way up my arm that spreads throughout my entire body. The pad of her bloody thumb has that much of an impact on my whole fucking body.

I'm trying really hard to convince myself that I didn't lie to her because of how she is affecting me; that it's not because I'm kind of terrified she'll read it and be so crippled with guilt and remorse that she'll run a mile from me because I'm just a simple association with Dalen. But apparently I'm not the most convincing of people, because I still just feel like a dick.

We drove in relative silence for a long while, and her hand remained over mine, though I did move it to rest on the centre console to make the reach less uncomfortable for her. I expected Luna to take her hand back when I did, but I think just the touch of another person was soothing for her too. The only reason our hands broke apart was because Medusa nuzzled in between us wanting some of the affection, and because she whined repeatedly, needing to get out and piss.

We had reached the outskirts of Brisbane by this point, so I suggested that we stop and get something to eat in the city and let Medusa stretch her legs. It's been a long time since I've been in my hometown, avoiding it just as much as Dalen did his, though I'm coming to realise it might be due to completely different reasons. I didn't bother telling Luna of my connection with the place where we were. It didn't seem relevant considering we were only passing through.

I took her to one of my favourite cafés around the corner from my house, and it was bound to come out anyway because the owner seemed to be the same and recognised me instantly. "Well, look who the cat dragged in," she said, smirking up at me with a swift once over. Okay, so maybe we were more well acquainted than café owner and customer.

"Hey, Quinn. Long time, no see," I smiled at the stunning redhead standing in front of me, someone I know intimately but for the first time ever, feel absolutely no attraction to. I'm trying not to blame Luna sitting outside with Medusa for this new development. But even when I was dating Sage, I still always found her gorgeous and thought instinctively of the few times we'd hooked up. "You well?"

"That's all the greeting I get from you these days?" she said, walking around the counter to stand right in front of me, extending her arms out for a hug, which I granted her willingly. It was good to see her. She was a permanent fixture in my life when I lived here. More so the clothed version, but still.