Sliced Trees and Dead Words

42 - You need to read it.

- LUNA -

I haven't seen or spoken to Wolfe since he walked out of my house two weeks ago.

I know he's still in town, though. Nella told me he's still working with Mason, who tried to explain to me when I saw him last week that he's just trying to do the right thing by Wolfe and give him work to keep his mind off everything, which I appreciated.

I wasn't upset. Nor was I jealous that they were still seeing Wolfe. I meant what I said when I admitted I loved him, which means I want him to be okay. If having work as a distraction helps him, then I want Mason to keep offering it, even if it kills me knowing he's so close.

I miss him, so fucking much. I just want him to come home but I can't ask that of him when I basically forced him out when I learned of Dalen's journal. Novel? I don't know what to call it other than the worst book I've ever read, though arguably the most important.

I've read it through five times. Black cover to black cover. Trying to determine whether I was right in telling Wolfe I couldn't trust in us with Dalen's handwriting forcing the matter for him. I didn't have the luxury of Dalen encouraging me to fall in love with Wolfe. I did that all on my own. But Wolfe, he had expert guidance, or what I had assumed was forceful encouragement when I first started reading it that night he left.

Now, I'm not so sure.

It is still ultimately about Wolfe and I, but it's also about life in general, and everything Dalen experienced to lead him to the day he died and the decision he ultimately made to end that life.

Have I wanted to call Wolfe every day since finishing it the first time around? Yes. Have I just wanted to call him every second of every day because I miss the sound of his voice and the way his laughter reverberates into every far corner and crevice of my body? You betcha. Will I suck up my own pride and just do it? Well, I'm getting pretty damn close.

"Are you ready for tomorrow, Luna?" asked Nella as she swept the hair from underneath my seat. Heath has just christened his first set of hairdressing scissors with my hair, chopping off a good two inches in length and giving me bangs for the first time since I was twelve. He insisted he have free reign over the styling choice as a signal of faith in his abilities, which the supportive employer in me agreed to, unable to dull the twinkle in his eye when he first opened the box of scissors and combs and developed the idea. I was genuinely surprised at how good a job he did and how well it actually suited me, but I wasn't about to tell Heath that and inflate his ego any further. He did a good enough job of that already on his own.

"Yeah, I think so," I finally answered Nella. "I think it will be a relief to finally let him go and know he's back where he wanted to be."

Wolfe and I had organised the send off Dalen wanted without actually knowing it, as he had written it into his book at the very end, which confirmed for me that Wolfe hadn't finished reading it. I wonder if things would be different for him if he had, just like it became different for me when I did . . .

Nella smiled kindly and said, "Luna, babe, I wasn't talking about Dalen." She was talking about seeing and facing Wolfe for the first time in weeks.

On some level, I did know that. She's been encouraging me to talk to him and work it out since the second I finished reading Dalen's book and realised I wanted to take back everything I'd said to him about not trusting in us before he walked out my door and didn't return. I had been secretly hoping he would come back to me so I didn't have to go searching for and begging him myself.

Dalen's blessing changed a lot for me and how I saw everything with Wolfe, which again reiterated to me that he hadn't finished a lot of Dalen's book before he told me about it, which I think needs to happen before tomorrow, which is why I've been preoccupied thinking about how I can find a way to see him tonight without it coming off as begging.