💛i miss u❤️ (benjey)

school

i woke up again like i had the past few days, sweaty with tears running down my face. in my dreams i'm still with jorge.

i got off the plane and i see the man i thought was jorge last time but this time it actually was. he turned around and smiled at me and held his arms out like he used to when he wanted cuddles. i held him close and kissed his head.
"what are you doing here bub?"
"i'm not here"
and then he disappeared.

i didn't just miss him, i needed him.
in every single way.
i love him.
i loved him.

i started school today, it was a private school so i had to wear a uniform, it wasn't the best but i was going through worse. i looked out for that addy girl at first but i couldn't seem to find her, i resorted to hanging around the school gate until class started.

while zoned into my daydream (most likely about jorge) a pretty blonde boy bumped into me, his face filled with guilt and his arm lifted for the girl it was around.
"i'm so sorry man, i'm cayman by the way"
"benji" i nodded as a confirmation that there were no hard feelings.
"cayman! i'm supposed to be giving benji a tour and the first thing you've done is bump into him" that's when addy emerged from behind him, she was the girl whom his arm was wrapped around.
"there you are, addy, ive looked all over"
i said
"sorry, benji, i was waiting for this clumsy ass"
addy looked so much different today, her mascara streaks were replaced with perfect eyeliner and long lashes and her lips had a gloss shine. one thing that didn't change though was the highlight on the tip of her nose, it was honestly adorable.
jorge.

addy and cayman took me to class and i sat next to addy, cayman sat next to some other guy whom i didn't know the name of.
"thank you so much" i said to her
"what for?"
"being my first friend, listening to my problems and sharing yours"
she smiled at me.
"we're gonna be the best of friends benji, wanna come over to mine tonight?"
i hesitated
"would i be allowed?"
i asked
"just say you're gay and my mom will be fine about it"
she chuckled.

the first couple lessons passed by reasonably quickly. the school seemed inviting and kind but it was the same without amelia, syd and jorge.

i wrote a second letter i could never send.

my dearest jorge

i miss everything about you. the way you tugged on my shirt for cuddles, you eyelashes against my chest, your curls as my hands ran through them. i love you so much. school was ok. i met a girl called addy and a guy named cayman, i think you'd like them.

can we just move to a random country together? live in our own bubble? cut off our awful family and just be together? the only thing that is holding me together at the moment is the thought that after i graduate, i can collect all the money from my job that i'm yet to get and move back to madrid. i'll only be gone a year bubba, can you hold on that long?

i live you baby, sweet dreams.

i sealed the envelope and placed it in a box with the other letter. please let him be ok.

// IM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED. life has been sucky and i've had no motivation. hope this is ok//