💛i miss u❤️ (benjey)

addy

i'm starting a diary again because jorge recorded his whole life in his and if by some miracle this ever makes it into his hands he'll know what happened when i was gone, he'll know that i miss him and i'll never move on.

today was bland. my grandparents were lovely and tried to make me feel at home but how could i feel complete? i had no one.

i couldn't take it anymore. i wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. i wanted to punch a wall. i wanted a hug. i'm due to start school in a few days and i don't know the area so i decided to go on a walk around the town i was living in. i found myself in a park, the sky was a deep blue that got darker by the second.

i saw a girl who must've been around my age sitting on one of two swings. still and silent. i decided to approach her and sit on the other swing. she looked up and i saw mascara stains down her face
"you look how i feel" i said
she chuckled
"what happened to you then, you must feel awful" she asked
"my parents found out the hard way that i'm bi and they shipped me off to here from madrid, it's my first night here"
she was silent for a second
"damn i thought being cheated on was bad"

"hey do you wanna hug?" i offered
"sure" she said and leaned init my embrace.
"i'm addy" she smiled
"benji" i replied
"benji krol?"
"uh yeah how did you know?" i asked, creeped out.
"SHIT! im supposed to give you a tour of the school on monday and you've seen me like this"
"relax, i'll pretend we never met" i assured her.
"but i don't want that" she said

we talked a little longer and then i walked 'home' again. i decided to write a letter to jorge even though i can't send it.

day one without you bubba and my heart aches. all i want is your cute little figure and your adorable facial expressions in my company. i sound like fucking romeo but that's just what you do to me. i hope we meet again, i really do
xox

i collapsed on my bed, this was the first night of many without jorge.