💛i miss u❤️ (benjey)

i miss u

today was another droning day, i don't have much to write.
i woke up, went to school and missed jorge.
i wish i knew how he was feeling.
the only person i could ask was amelia.

me: hey amelia, ive missed you more than you know. how are you? i thought it was best not to message anyone but there's no point in avoiding you.

amelia: he's doing well benji, i know that's what you messaged me for.

me: oh, how are you?

amelia: jj found someone else, he moved on and you should too. i'm all good, how are you.

me: a lot worse now i know that.

how could he do that?
i told him to do that but it's only been a few weeks. i guess amelia is right though, i should move on.

my phone rang,
"benji can we meet at the park" it was addy, her voice was hoarse and she kept sniffling.
"of course, what's up?"
"just come here"

i got there as quick as i could, my heart was racing.
i saw addy on the swings with her head in her hands and ran up to her.
i put my arm around her and sat on the swing next to her.
"what happened, addy"
"it's cayman, i accused him of cheating and he broke up with me"
"was he definitely?" i asked rubbing circles on her back.
"i don't even know" she said, tears flooding her eyes.
"it's gonna be ok, you deserve better, addy. i'm always here if you need me."
"i don't deserve you, benji"
she looked up from her hands and faced me, mascara was dripping down her face yet her beauty remained. she tucked her hands into her sleeves and wiped her face, she missed a spot so i wiped it with my thumb. she smiled and looked right at me. she got closer and so did i. our lips met gently, we became more passionate before the guilt set in. she placed her hand on my jaw and i ran my fingers through her black hair. jorge has black hair. fuck. what am i doing. i pulled away and stood up.
"benji?" she asked. i looked at her once more before walking away.

what is wrong with me? i decided it was time to add a letter to the box.

dear jorge

i hear you've moved on. that's good, it's what i told you to do. i tried to move on but i'm not ready. i love you so much, i keep thinking of everything we've been through, the way i know you more intimately than anyone else. that will probably change soon. whoever this guy is, i hope he treats you well. goodnight baby. i should probably stop calling you that.

/i'm so sorry for slow updates, ive been travelling//