(Aksels pov)
***********
Aksel: hey do you have a minute
to talk?
read
Shit,
what do I do now?
My heart is thumping waiting for his response, but I'd understand if he didn't want to text me back. I've been so horrible to him for so long now, I wish I could reverse time and get myself sorted before I did anything drastic.
Although, of course, I really needed this break. While I was gone I spent all of my time doing shit I wanted to do. After a week I even uploaded a video and streamed a few times! I'm trying as hard as I can to get healthy again. But of course, Alex is still on my mind.
I've wanted to stop liking him for so long now, it hurt so bad and I couldn't handle it. But after this break I've come to realize that it'll never go away unless I deal with it properly.
By that I mean, I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him everything.
I don't care about his reaction at this point, I just want this off my chest so I can breathe again. If he doesn't like me and it ruins our friendship, so be it. And if he likes me back, well he likes me back. I would completely understand if he gets angry at me, or never talks to me again. I just don't care anymore.
When is he gonna text me back though? It's been so long now. Am I overthinking it? He probably just needs time to think. Should I send another text? I don't want to annoy him. What should I do next?
Aksel: its okay if you dont want to
I typed in, stared at the message awhile before decided not to send it.
I bit the side of my mouth hard, continuing to stare at the screen until my eyes started to hurt. I put down my phone with a small thud and decided to use my time elsewhere. I went to my desk and started filming a new video so that I couldn't be distracted.
I tried over and over to get the perfect intro to it, something was off. Well obviously something was off, I shouldn't be filming if I can't focus. I think I'll cook something to eat. Cooking is always a good way to get my mind off of things.
I decided to make something simple, a pasta. I poured water into a smallish pot, I'm not making a lot. Setting down the pot onto the stove and twisting the dial to a little over medium.
As I waited for the water to start to boil, I clicked on my phone to see if Alex had texted me back.
No answer still.
I shouldn't have even texted him, obviously he doesn't want to talk to me after what I did.
I just,
I just wish I would get over my stupid crush on him.
My head fell into my hands.
"God, I'm such a fucking idiot" I said out loud to myself. I felt my eyes start to sting and a knot in my throat. I held my head back up, "Wait, no. No crying! Not anymore. I cried enough already." I sniffled, "I'm such a baby." I wish I would shut up.
I'm an actual horrible person. I ditched all my friends and left them confused with no explanation until weeks after. Why am I like this? Over some dumb crush? It's so pathetic that I act like this. I'm so pathetic. I'm a terrible person too. I don't understand why my friends still talk to me anyway.
I felt a small sting of hot water shoot onto my arm. I looked over at the pot and realized that it had overflowed. I quickly shut off the stove and blowed on the top half of the bubbles to stop it.
Fuck! Can't I get one thing right? I can't even boil water correctly! I should just give up, I'm so useles-
Suddenly, I heard a 'Ding!' from next to me where I had left my phone.
I grabbed my phone at the speed of light and read his message.
Alex: uh sure
YES! He answered!! I've never felt so triumphant.
Okay so, what do I say now?
