How?

Brian - 11

I push past everyone in the hall and lock myself in the bathroom. This doesn't seem real. A few days ago I absolutely hated life and everyone around me, including myself. Now, my house is starting to feel like home again and I can't fucking stop thinking about her. All I know is her name and that I was a complete dick to her. Why can't I get her out of my fucking head? I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want to think at all anymore. This is so.. frustrating. 

I went an entire two years in a deep spiral of wondering what I did wrong, why did she cheat on me, was I not enough? I went a whole two fucking years of barely entering my own home. Of course I had some really good times with the band, but that was different. I needed closure and I never got it. We got the divorce and that was final. I filed a restraining order so that she could never step foot in my house again. I was destroyed. 

One teeny, tiny little look at Lila through a window and I feel like I'm in middle school and the prettiest girl in the whole grade just asked to borrow a pencil. I feel like such an idiot. My walls were up for so long and she makes them go away by just looking at me through a window. She's not even going to come to this stupid party anyway - she was in pajamas. And she looked gorgeous. 

Stop saying things like that! I yell at myself in my head. I keep telling myself I don't know her and she's not coming. I made a mistake inviting her. I made a mistake speaking up for her at the bar. She's just so.. pretty. She seems so hurt sometimes when I see her through the windows. I want to scream out that hurt is hell and I understand but I know I can't. I can't fix her even though every ounce of my being wants to. I just can't understand why. I spent so long being depressed and pushing everyone away and it took her seconds to take my breath away by me just looking at her. I don't know what I'm feeling. 

"Brian! You have a guest!" Jimmy shouts in a teasing-tone. Shit. She's actually here. 

"Okay, I'll be down in a sec!" I yell. I wash my face in the sink and spray on some cologne. I run down the stairs and go straight into the kitchen, slipping behind the wall so no one notices. I grab a beer and head out to the living room, where Lila is smiling and has a beer in her hand. I stare at her in awe. She is stunning. Her outfit consists of a leather jacket, tights, and a pair of boots - pretty simple actually - but she is stunning. I snap out of it when she looks up at me. 

Grow a pair, Haner. I walk up to her.

"Hey, I'm glad you could make it. I, uh, need to apologize for the other night. I was having a really, really rough day. I'm sorry I was such a dick. I know it's not excuse, but I am sorry for the way I acted." I said trying to maintain a cool tone of voice.

"It's okay actually, thank you, for scaring that guy away." She smiles warmly. My heart wants to escape my chest. She can be feisty (proven the other night when I was a complete dick) but she can also be really sweet. 

"I am glad you could make it though, isn't it weird how we live next to each other?" I chuckled, truly being baffled by that still. 

"I moved in about a year ago, I've never seen you until a few days ago either." She admits and takes a sip of her beer. 

"I, uh, had some.. issues. I guess you could say I wasn't home very often, which explains why I didn't notice I had a new neighbor... Anyway, as you probably know from my mail that keeps getting delivered to yours, my name is Brian. I haven't actually gotten to formally tell you that." I say kindly. 

"I'm Lila, which you already know. Your home is gorgeous, by the way. I take it these are your friends?" She asks a little shyly.

"Yeah they are, let me introduce you. After that, I think it's time for the first round of shots." I smile. 

Synyster Gates has got his fucking game back.