Help me understand.

Troubeld Thoughts 1

(A/N Hey this is my first book! So if I have any readers Thank you! I beg you to please stick with me I would love your feed back and I hope you enjoy!!!)

Frank,

As I walked through my front door, I half expected to see my mother all over her new one night stand. Instead I received a note stuck on the fridge door.

'Frank, gone to Joe's. I will be back late. Love mum x'

I was left to wallow In my own thoughts, left at home alone, once again.

My mother simply did not care that I was often left this way. Why would she? I'm just some disappointment! She had turned to achohol when my father left. Now she relied on men. She was by no means a good role model but she never hit me like my father had. And for that I was grateful.

I trudged up stairs to my room, my ribs aching from my beating earlier. Yes I get beat up by the obnoxious jocks at school. I'm just an emo fag so what do you expect?

I very rarely return home without a black eye or bruises, of multiple colours, covering my body. Cuts also littered my skin. My arms and legs were drenched in recent cuts. It was one of the only things that could control the pain...

I pulled up my shirt and gaped at the fist size bruise emerging on my side.

"Damn" I muttered under my breath.

It was nights like this that made me want to change. I wanted to be less disgraceful. I wanted to be straight. I wanted to be loved. I wished I had something to live for...

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

7AM

I woke up feeling miserable to the sound of my alarm. It was Tuesday and that meant school... I hated the place.I hated every thing there down to the very last pencil!

I slid out of bed my toes reaching the floor. I pulled on a pair of plain black skinnys and a batman jumper that covered my arms. I applied a thick line of eyeliner to my lifeless eyes before leaving my room. Closing the door behind me as usual.

As I trotted into the kitchen I sighed as i realised my mom was still out.I quickly scribbled her a note and left barely walking to school.

~.~.~.~.~

I arrived at school early as usual. This gave me a chance to escape a morning beating and an opportunity to play a song or two in the practice room.

I snuck In the practice room being careful to avoid any kind of human contact. I sat on an old wooden stool and lifted an acoustic guitar from it's stand checking it was tuned. Once I was ready I began to play an old song I made a few years ago...

I always lost myself whilst playing. For a moment or two I was just an ordinary kid with a guitar. All my emotions would fly away and I could forget about the ugliness of it all. It was almost beautiful. Therefor I didn't deserve it. After all I'm just a freak! I deserve one thing and one thing only...

"Wow!"

I snapped out of my daydreams and saw a boy, slightly older than me, stood by the practice room doors.

"Wow! I heard you playing when I came to practice and I just had to listen! Did you write that yourself!"

I looked up into his hazel eye's and was stunned by their beauty!

"Yeah... I .. Erm.. Sorry!" I mumbled as I pushed past him. I had to get out of there before I said something stupid!

When I left I realised I had been holding my breath. I tried to get the image of his eyes out of my mind but I just couldn't! They were so perfect and full of life...

"OI FRANK! FAG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING!!!!"

Shit... I didn't fancy getting beat up this morning!

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