How to fix a broken soul Toxade (Ninjago fanfiction) Depressed

Memories

Warning!
Sexual content!

Shade's POV

I stand up, wiping the tears from my eyes and look back at Tox. I can't believe I started crying in front of HER! And that... I told her about Jessica... "Never tell the others about what you heard..." I mumble. "I-I never told anyone that I have been r-raped..." Saying that word out loud, raped. I can't believe that happened to me... "I won't tell them! I promise!" I nod at her before walking up to my bed again, pulling out my *secret* out under my bed. "Shade, why do you have so many books under your bed?" "It's my diaries..." I sigh. "I always carry them with me..." "Why?" I open the diary from when I was nine. "One, to remind me how my life was when mommy still lived and two... Rewinding all the reasons to why I should die..." "Heh... It's so cute that you still call her mommy!" Did... she really mean that? "Can I read in one of them?" I mean... IF she reads the one from when I was sixteen she'll understand... "Take this..." I hand her the book and starts reading in the one I'm holding

Today Mommy took me SWIMMING! It was amazing and Dad just stayed on the beach sunbathing... Like, it's always more fun to bath in WATER right? After swimming, Mommy got us ICE CREAM! I picked blueberry of course! Mommy said I could have any flavor I wanted! When we went home,e dad cooked us dinner and WOW! His food is AMAZING! I want him to cook for me for the rest of my life! And Mommy to take me swimming EVERY SUMMER! I'm going to bed now before Dad and Mommy notice that I'm awake so goodnight!

My life was better than... Mommy was always there for me, bought me ice cream, took me swimming and practiced battle skills with me!

Tox's POV

I hate my life, I hate Jack and I hate everything! Okay, so today was quite normal until after school. Some students beat me up in the bathroom, I cut myself and got the detention for being late... When I came home JACK was mad at me for getting detention and being covered with bruises AGAIN! And he didn't even call me MY name! He said, Julian! Julian is my middle name! Not my first name! That's what I told him and he responded with: 'I'm not calling you the name that witch gave you!' Like, sure Mommy never really TOLD him about her powers but still... Then he started yelling at me and well... I guess I lost when he told me that he wished that I never was born! So I just rushed up to my room, packed all the things I wanted to have with me and... I guess I'm homeless now... Tsk! I'll find somewhere to sleep! But I actually hoped that JACK would pray down on his knees that I would stay! But guess what he said? 'Leave me if you want! It's not like I care!' Nice to hear that from your father huh? No! He's not my father anymore! I'll never call him that again! He's just Jack to me now!

Is this how his childhood was after his mom died? "Shade..." I whisper, closing the book. "I know what you think..." He sighs. "But my life wasn't like that when Mommy lived!" I sit down in his bed beside him, taking his hand making him freeze for a second. "It's okay Shade! I'm only holding your hand! Nothing more!" "After the incident with my ex... I promised myself that I would never EVER love someone AGAIN!" "Why..." "W-when she did those things to me... I-I told her a thousand times to stop! B-but she would just yell at me for being ungrateful and that... it was the right way of showing love..." "It's not Shade! What she did to you is called sexual abuse! That's not how it works!" I grab his hand a bit tighter without pulling him closer to me. I WANT to hug him but I know that that could make him nervous and insecure. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but I'm always here if you would!"

*flashback*

Shade's POV

"P-please! Stop it!" I whine, trying to push Jessica away. "If you don't shut up now... I'm going to tie you up next time!" Then she continues to grab onto my waist, biting my neck and ... "P-please! I-it hurts!" "That's love!" she hisses and starts going even roughly. I don't want to do this! If this is how love really feels like then... I don't want to love! "What do you want next?" Jessica smirks. "I-I want y-you to s-stop!" "Oh! Do you want the belt next?" "No, no p-please don't!" "Shush! Now you stay here cause I swear I'm going to go twice as hard on you the next time in that case!" I stay in bed when she closes the door behind her. Everything...everything hurts and... she's not even finished. Please make it stop! Someone please... help me! Or is this what I deserve? I can't live like this! I should die... like everyone tells me to do... I bury my face in my pillow, sobbing in fear. I know exactly what Jessica will do when she comes back! I'm lucky if she doesn't put on a blindfold on me! "Get out of the bed NOW!" Jessica growls. I slowly get up and walks into a corner. I know that she's holding a belt and I know what she wants to do. I bend don trying to protect my stomach and my face. Again... Is this really what I deserve?