Dignity

Satisfied.

8/8/19 15:36pm
Many people think that being an optimist automatically makes you naive about life.
I know I used to think that anyway.
I used to believe that maintaining a sunny disposition could only lead to disappointment.
So I closed myself off to the many beacons of brightness that life offered.
Ignoring any revelations of a successful future.
Now, as a new month approaches me, I feel secure within my new optimistic element.
Because feeling good about yourself doesn't always stem from inexperience.

Prospering a perpetual amount of obstacles used to weigh me down.
I eternally needed answers.
But how could I possibly have reached an equilibrium to numb my thoughts when I was never confident in myself prior to these events?

It's natural to feel insecure, some things are just beyond our control.
Looking back, I don't regret any of the remorse that my heart felt as the pain overtook my conscience.
I never knew any better, I always blamed myself.
I was already sinking, and as mentioned in previous works I was oblivious to the ropes that forever longed to guide me.
Those ropes provided ease to my doubts, yet I never had the strength to take that leap of faith.
Firmly fixed, quivering in my fears.

What I never did in those times of uncertainty was embrace the tide that hurled me under.
Always in denial, I failed to recognise that this only made me progressively worse than I ever was before.
I've been through alot, and I solely intended to forget about those situations.
But that only made them more vivid in my memory.
I never acknowledged that it was impossible to erase the hardships that occurred so frequently.
So I refrained from focusing on the main issue: my self-worth.
What were my chances of overcoming these hurdles if I never had any dignity?

I am far from naive at this point, yet I have smiled my way through the summer without looking back.
Yes, events did happen, though they were far from mistakes.
Now admiring the spectacles ahead of me, I have nothing more to lose.

Throughout this process of reflection, I seem to have lost it all.
My dignity, my pride, my confidence..
Thus, I have everything to gain.
So what if I am faced with new issues in the near future?
Instead of ignoring them, I will know that I've got what it takes to challenge myself and thrive in this new environment.
Because anything is possible, if you put your mind to it.

And even if smiling doesn't come naturally to me, I know that I'll have my whole life ahead of me to mould my hesitant mindset.
Shaping me into whatever I'm meant to become.
Freeing myself from the shadows that held me back from being my true, authentic self.

Yes, I am aware that not everything ends with a positive outcome.
Nonetheless, this new-found outlook has only given me motivation.
Spurring me to think upon the blissful sentiments whenever I'm in jeopardy of fading into my angst.

Learning how to recover from the depths of nihility is truly the only thing that matters.
So be kind to yourselves, always.
To be content, you have to be
Satisfied.