Emo chap, so less convo.
D i a n a
Have you ever lost someone and regretted too much at the same time?
When instead of reminiscing those happy memories that you shared with them, you remembered those conversations when you had your back on them because you thought that they'll stay with you forever?
We forget that death is a bridge between living and loving, a fragile bridge that is meant to collapse without a warning. Yes, we know death is inevitable, but it is something we do not see coming to our love ones.
I... I didn't see that on her.
I happened to remember death when the one I should've cherished had already perished.
Franki.
She used to be the brightest star for me before.
And I was right... because sadly, the brightest stars are the ones that shatter sooner.
"Gusto mo bang ako nalang ang magbukas Diana?" Gaz broke our silence.
Ilang minuto na rin kasi kaming nakatayo ni Gaz dito sa tapat ng pintuan ng unit namin ni...
"Diana?" Gaz called me out again.
I noded nalang and gave her the keys.
Hindi ko kaya.
Gaz opened the door and I was immediately met by the fruity floral scent of Si Giorgio Armani.
"F--Franki." I whimpered as my knees shook. "Tha--that was her favorite scent Gaz."
I collapsed in my best friend's arms and cried as if I hadn't done that already.
Sobrang sakit.
It felt like I dropped my heart in so much pain.
Everything just turned into black and white.
Gaz managed to sit us on the sofa while I was crying my heart out.
"It's gonna be okay, It's gonna be okay Di, trust me" Gaz tried to comfort me and that's when everything became more real.
Those lines,
Those fucking lines,
Franki said them to me too!
I even told Franki those lines too but did everything became okay?!
"No, it's not." I sobbed. "It's not gonna be okay."
How was I supposed to be okay?
After I saw the CCTV footage of how Franki took the fucking bullet for me?
After I saw how Franki had always sacrificed herself for me while I sacrificed her for my dreams?
How? How was I supposed to live without her?
She was my sunshine, how would I face the morning now?
And as if the pain wasn't enough,
bigla naman akong napa-tingin sa front door. Tangina.
Kanina lang nandyan sya, kami.
Gusto nya kong kausapin pero anong ginawa ko?
I ignored her.
Now ako nalang ang makaka-rinig ng explanation ko, an endless repentance dahil isa yung pagkakamali na hindi na ako makaka-bawi.
I stood up abruptly from Gaz' embrace,
"Dia---"
"It's okay Gaz, sa bedroom lang ako, I just want to be alone for a moment."
"But---"
"Don't worry, I just... I just need some alone time, Gaz. Please." I pleaded and I could see the worry in her face yet she hesitantly nodded.
"Okay, basta if you need a hug, nandito lang ako sa living room Diana hah."
I nodded as I gulped the lump in my throat, "Thanks, Gaz..."
Gaz hugged me once again and whispered "Pakatatag hah, I know sa ngayon masakit pa but believe me, time heals... She wouldn't like it if you do something careless to yourself... Just be brave huh?"
I nodded nalang before I go, yun nalang ang kaya kong gawin eh.
Tama naman si Gaz, time heals, time can blur the pain, but time can't make the existing reality to disappear.
I opened the bedroom's door and my eyes welled once again.
Nami-miss ko na sya agad.
I went to her dresser and grabbed the first cloth that I saw... her white hoodie.
Maingat ko itong hinawakan
A pair of tears raced down on my cheeks.
Ang cute nya kasi pag suot nya to.
I sniffed her scent because I wanted to feel her.
Pathetic, wasn't I? Cherishing her with her remnants?
I hugged her hoodie as if it was her,
held it as if it was the most precious thing in this world--- well for me, it was...
because this was the closest thing to her hug.
I wore her hoodie and curved myself on her side of our bed.
I cried and cried and cried until I reached the hardest part---
I couldn't cry anymore.
But I could still feel it.
The pain was still raw but I couldn't get it off.
The burning pain turned into ice numbing me. A single touch could crack me because of the emptiness inside.
I desperately hugged her pillow.
Hindi ko pa tanggap pero bakit hindi na ako maka-iyak?!
Ang sakit sakit pa.
I need to cry. I need my tears---
I just need to fucking cry because I lost her!
Was that too much to ask?!
I just need her here... beside me.
I closed my eyes and imagined that the pillow was her, I could smell her favorite shampoo in there and that helped.
And I thanked the heavens as a tear made its way down from my closed eye.
Come back to me, please.
I promise you, I would never shut that door again in your face. I would listen to you kahit na wala ng saysay ang mga sasabihin mo bumalik ka lang sa akin.
Sana panaginip lang lahat to.
Para pag-gising ko, katabi lang kita.
•••
5
~~~
Naiiyak ako, walang mapaglagyan yung kilig ko sa dalawa ngayon, 😭gusto kong gumawa ng isa pang book,
yung fluff para may outlet ako pag nakaka-kilig yung ganap 😂
yung magpapractice sila for first kissing scene tas boom💣!!--- feelings involve or pwede din story about Samantha and Hannah.
My new ship😍
Samannah ooh na na
Sumama na kayo
Samannah ooh na na 🍌
Iw ang korni, pero cute ship 😍
Omg self, your straightness left the GC. 🐧
-Bella
