A/N: Next chapter. I think I'll be uploading the final chapter of A Good Idea on monday. It's taken a while because I want it to be perfect.
Fuck. I walk quickly through the house with no idea where I'm going. My brain isn't exactly focused on the current situation. I kissed him. Or he kissed me. I'm going to have to reassess my belief that I'm shy. Sure when I have to answer a question in class my mouth gets dry and when I meet a new person I can barely speak without shaking but the girl who just seduced someone and then coldly pushed them away was anything but shy. I weave in and out of people without recognising them and I eventually end up in a room that I didn't see earlier. My lips feel strange and warm and the skin on the back of my hands is slightly grazed from when they were pushed against the wall. This room is someone's bedroom and I look in the mirror at myself as I try to calm down. My cheeks are red and my chest is rising and falling heavily. Fuck. Maybe this would be ok if it hadn't felt so good. His mouth and his hands and his body pressing mine into the wall.
I hear a noise outside the door and in a moment of hazy stupidity I step into the closet. I guess my life actually is a bad romantic comedy. I can hear laughter as the door of the room is opened and then closed. Maybe I should just reveal myself now. Wait. Is that? "Oh my God Scott that was so funny." Of course it's them. I should definitely get out of here now. I'm preparing to open the door when I hear the creak of what must be the bed. "Sit down with me?" That's unquestionably Scott's voice. "Don't you want to go back down and see everyone?" "Actually Alex I think I'd rather just spend time with you." Well I can't really interrupt now. "Have you had a bit too much to drink?" There's nervousness underneath Alex's teasing tone. "No I just like being with you. I feel so comfortable and happy." There's another slight creak and then silence, as if Alex is considering what to say next.
"Me too. I like you a lot." Just tell him. One of you please say something. "Alex. I've never been good at this stuff." Oh my god it's happening. "What stuff?" "Talking about feelings." There's more silence and I'm beginning to worry that I'm never going to be able to leave this closet. "It's ok." "No one even knows that I'm not." The pause that follows is heavy and awkward. Guess I'm not the only one who's struggling to come out of the closet. "Not?" "I'm gay." Scott's voice is shy and when I lean towards the crack between the doors I can see his uncomfortable expression. "Well I am too so this is incredibly convenient." Scott's mouth curves into a smile. Alex's hand moves to rest on Scott's leg and he leans in slowly. When they first start kissing I gasp and start grinning. When things get a bit more heated though I start to worry. "Ok that's it I'm sorry to interrupt your first kiss but I cannot stay in there." They both leap off the bed and away from each other.
"Kirstie? How long have you been in there?" His tone is, quite justifiably, accusing. "Well I went in when you guys came into the room." Alex looks as though he's trying not to laugh. "Why are you even in here?" "I needed some time on my own." He's starting to look concerned as well as annoyed and wow I feel guilty. "What, why?" I'm hesitant to tell him, as much as I know I need to talk it out with someone. "Scott, leave her be. It's not her fault. This wouldn't really have been the best place to get uh, carried away anyway." Scott's cheeks turn pink as Alex smiles and reaches out to take his hand and interlock their fingers. At least someone's happy. "I am sorry though." Scott doesn't look as annoyed as he did when he looks down at his and Alex's hands. That doesn't really make me feel less guilty. I still messed up. My brain was just so full of Avi and his lips and the way I definitely didn't hate having them on mine.
Scott glances back down again at their hands and nods. "It's fine. Why did you need to be on your own?" My stomach turns over and I try to work out how much I want to divulge. "I was talking to Avi." Scott sighs as he opens the door and starts to walk out of the room. "Another argument?" "Sort of." He turns around to survey me properly. "Kirstie. What happened?" He sounds disapproving already. "We may have. Um he sort of. Kissed me." His mouth falls open and he raises his eyebrows. "He kissed you?" I cringe at the harsh, shocked tone of his voice. "Yeah well we sort of kissed each other really." Scott seems to be lost for words. Alex isn't though. "So wait, this wasn't just a quick kiss then? You made out with him!" His voice is excited and he barely knows me. I'm avoiding eye contact with Scott.
"Oh my god. You totally did Kirstie. You made out with Avi." He's practically shouting now and I glare at him. "Shhh Scott please, someone will hear you." He looks around the hall and then, with the hand that isn't in Alex's, reopens the door of the room we've just left. "Fine, we can go in here and talk about it." Alex looks to me for my opinion and I shrug and sigh. I don't feel like I have much choice. "Do you want me to go so you can talk?" I consider nodding but when I see the flash of sadness that crosses Scott's face at the suggestion, I decide against it. "Nah. I have a feeling you're going to be hanging out with us a lot from now on so why not? Plus I bet he'd just tell you anyway." Alex smiles and Scott blushes as they sit down on the bed. I sit down in front of them. "Go on then, what happened?" I take a breath and prepare to tell the story.
Later in my room as I listen to the sound of Kate's quiet snores my thoughts are still a mess. After talking to Scott and Alex we found Mitch and Kevin and left with them. Avi was nowhere to be found and I cringe when I remember the way that Scott and Alex looked at me when Kevin said that he'd seen him with Ella. I hadn't told them about me telling him to go with her. I just said that I left. I like Scott a lot and Alex seems great but I just wasn't quite ready to explain myself to them. An idea comes into my head that makes me smile. It's late but with the time difference it shouldn't be a problem. I pick up my phone and go to the contact list, typing in the first letter of my best friend's name. "Kirstie, it's been ages." Hearing his voice makes me feel instantly calmer. "Sorry. I've been busy." "With all of your cool new friends?" I laugh, trying to stop it from being too loud. "Don't make me laugh, my roommate's asleep. They are fairly cool though I guess."
"Is that why you called? To tell me how cool your new friends are. Clearly you don't need me then." He's joking but there's a hint of discomfort in his voice. "I always need you, you're my best friend in the whole wide world." He laughs at my childish statement and I smile automatically. "Are you ok?" I shake my head, forgetting he can't see me. "You know Avi? The guy I told you about who doesn't like me." He makes a noise signifying his agreement so I continue. "Well I made out with him." The admission comes out in a rush. "You made out with him?" He sounds confused and sort of unhappy which is fair enough considering I was ranting about hating Avi the last time I messaged him. "Yeah it just sort of happened and I really enjoyed it. Like it wasn't romantic or anything but it was really hot. I would totally have gone further, which is stupid, but." I trail off, nervous about finishing the sentence. "What happened Kirst?" His tone is harsher than I'm used to hearing it. Not mean but not as easily affectionate as normal. "This girl he liked started yelling him and I told him to go with her. He tried to argue but I made him leave and now he's probably sleeping with her."
I'm surprised how much that realisation gets to me. Ok, I knew that when I told him I wanted him to go with her that it wasn't totally true, but I didn't think I really cared. I can't pretend I'm not attracted to him. I don't remember my body ever reacting quite like that at someone's touch before. I obviously wanted to sleep with him but I knew that it wouldn't work. We annoy each other way too much for anything more than tonight to happen between us. When I start paying attention again Jack sounds concerned. "Kirstie from what you've told me he sounds like an asshole. Forget about him ok. Him and this Ella girl deserve each other. You deserve someone who cares about you and tells you how great you are, not someone who takes every opportunity to be rude to you." He's right as usual but I can't help thinking of the time in my room when Avi was sweet and supportive and I actually understood why Scott, Mitch and Kevin like him so much. "You're right. He's been nice to me once and he's been rude to me pretty much every other time we've seen each other." There's a pause and I lean round to look at my clock. "Anyway, I have to go to sleep. I wish you were here, I miss you." He sighs. "I miss you too Kirst. Sweet dreams."
