A/N: this one is all from Avi's point of view. I really wanted to get into his head. The next one will have Kirstie's POV as well.
'So the first stage of the competition is a week from now and we need to have two songs perfect.' We have about four songs ready but we need to decide which ones to focus on. 'I think we should do telephone and ET.' 'Yep me too.' Scott and Kirstie are on the same page as usual. 'I don't think we should do telephone.' Kevin nods and Mitch shrugs but Kirstie frowns. 'Well if Avi thinks that then we can't possibly do it.' Her voice is totally sarcastic and Scott smirks and the others look up at me curiously, wanting to know how I'm going to react. 'I was just saying my opinion.' 'Which is somehow way more important than everyone else's.' I try not to let it get to me but I'm worried that she might be right. I guess that's what makes me so defensive.
'Well it's certainly more important than yours.' Scott actually gasps but Kirstie keeps her cool. 'Ok, good to know where I stand I suppose.' No one has anything to say and the silence gives me time that I wish I didn't have to think about what I said. I've been in this group for a year and if anyone was in charge then it would probably be me. She's been here for a couple of weeks. Still it might have been a bit harsh. 'You just haven't been here that long.' 'So I'm not allowed to be a real part of the group?' 'You're only here because we had to have five people. It's not like we actually wanted you in the group.'
Things go rapidly downhill after I say that. Mitch starts telling me off at the exact same moment that Kirstie storms out of the room. Scott starts to go after her but she pushes him away and just leaves. 'Why the hell would you say that Avi?' My anger drains out of me. Why would I say something that was bound to hurt her? 'I don't know. I was just annoyed.' Scott looks like he wants to hit me and even Kevin looks like he's totally disgusted by me. I was angry about what she said and angry about what happened with Ella and I took it too far. Maybe we didn't want anyone in the group but we wanted her.
It's been a day since Kirstie stormed out and Scott's the only one she's spoken to In spite of all of us trying to text her. He told me she wants to quit and that I'd better 'get over myself and apologise.' So here I am outside her door. I knock once and she opens it. 'What are you doing here?' 'I came to apologise.' She rolls her eyes 'I'm not coming back.' 'Please Kirstie, can we just talk?' She looks back into her room and breathes out deeply. 'Fine.' She opens the door wider and points to her bed. Her roommate must be out, so we're left alone. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
I look around for something to talk about. When I see an open sketchbook on the bed next to me it seems like the perfect topic. 'Did you draw this?' She grabs the book and closes it, pushing it into a drawer. I'm worried I've managed to upset her again but she sits down beside me and nods. 'It's really good.' 'Thank you.' There's no warmth to her voice and I realise how much I must have upset her. 'I am really sorry Kirstie. I was annoyed but that was out of line.' I hope it's a start.
'Ok.' 'Ok as in I'm forgiven and you're coming back?' She looks at me and shrugs. 'Just ok.' Great. Now what? I could leave but I doubt Scott would be too happy. Maybe it'll help if we just talk for a while. 'So how did your essay go?' 'I got an A minus.' 'Wow that's brilliant, well done.' She turns to look at me and frowns before shaking her head and sighing. Is she honestly disappointed? Most people would be thrilled with that grade on an essay. I know I would. Maybe she just holds herself to really high standards.
'Are you not pleased?' She leans back against the wall and pulls her knees up to her chest. 'I'm not supposed to get less than an A. My mom wants me to get an A.' Oh so this is a parental pressure thing. It's not something I'm overly familiar with. My parents have always been encouraging but they've never made me feel bad about dropping slightly below what I normally get. They'd never make me feel guilty for getting an A minus. 'Why does it matter what she wants? It's your grade.' She smiles at me almost sympathetically. 'She's very academically focused. She just wants me to do well I guess, but it's overwhelming sometimes.'
'That sucks.' Wow Avi. What a meaningful statement. How brilliantly nuanced and comforting. 'Yeah. That's the reason I'm not doing music. She thinks it's pointless since I'm not good enough to actually get anywhere with it.' I'm beginning to feel awful. What I said was bad enough but knowing that it essentially confirmed her belief that she's untalented makes it even worse. 'But you still auditioned.' She smiles for real this time. 'I still auditioned. I had to try. I wanted to see if someone other than my choir director and my best friend thought I was any good.'
'Well you are. I'm sorry if it's rude but your mom's wrong. You're really really talented Kirstie. I was an idiot. I was being stubborn and I was annoyed because of the Ella thing but we need you in the group. Not just because we have to have a fifth person but because you make us so much better.' It wasn't supposed to be a miniature speech. After a moment she smiles. 'I really needed that.' It's such a genuine smile and statement that I smile back without thinking. Her eyes are wide and her cheeks are slightly pink. Her hair falls down from her shoulder, obscuring her face and I automatically move to push it behind her ear.
When she turns her head towards me, there's something about her that seems different. Not quite different but clearer. Of course I've noticed before that her eyes are big and round and that her teeth are perfect and her eyelashes are long and dark but none of those things have ever been that important. Now though they've combined to make her unbelievably alluring. She's undeniably, obviously attractive and I find myself really wanting to kiss her. Her lips look like they'd be really soft. I stare at her without speaking and I start to lean forward. Am I actually going to do this?
My hand is still next to her face and I pull it away so quickly that it catches in her hair. 'Ow. Avi.' 'I'm so sorry, it was an accident.' She takes my hand in both of hers and gently removes it from her hair. 'What were you doing?' 'Your hair was in your face.' 'And that was your problem how?' Ok, I think it's time for me to leave. 'It wasn't, I'm sorry. I'm going to go now it's late. Please think about coming back, we need you.' I stand up and walk out of her room, leaving her sitting on her bed frowning. We're not even really friends. Why did I want to be close to her like that? Maybe it was just that after what she told me I felt bad and wanted to make her feel better. Because why else would I want to kiss her?
