A Thick Girl's Passion

My life

Zaniyah

I sat up in my dark room contemplating if I was going to end it all here or if I was going to keep pushing. I don't believe any one's life is easy but I do know my life isn't easy worth a damn. I'm seventeen and I feel like I should be older being as though I been through more than I should have at this age.

My parents tries to make things easier but how could they? I mean they already been through the teenage stages of their lives so it's not like we could sit around and talk about all of our problems together it's bad enough their struggling with their own problems in their marriage. My mom's out of work due to medical problems so that leaves my dad taking care of everything which causes some friction between the two. Don't get me wrong my father has a nice paying job as a technical engineer.

I been looking for jobs but no one has called me back even with me calling them they still haven't budged. With my older brother getting killed a day before my birthday ten years ago, it kind of through my parents for a looped hole that they're never going to get out of.

I hated getting to this point in my life because I start to feel selfish for wanting to kill myself. And to tell you the truth the only reason why I haven't yet is because I don't want my parents to lose the only child they have left I couldn't even bare to think about how my mother would react. She has just started to get over his death and because it was a day before my birthday we just started to celebrate it my day again.

As a child you don't quite understand things, like why don't I see my brother or why don't we have cake and balloons for my very special day. But you start to ignore it and as time goes on you start to not really care.

Sighing I put the knife down and turned on the light in my room. Walking back over to my bed I laid there and thought about the first day of senior year tomorrow. I was excited and a little nerves. I am a full figured women but I do not get bullied, there are a few jokes but I either ignore it or laugh it off. Being 5'8 220 pounds the weight doesn't really show but you can still clearly see I'm plus size. With big boobs thick thighs, long legs, and a semi flat stomach I believe I have a nice body. Not much of an ass but none the less a nice curvy body.

In school I'm taller than most of the girls except for a few but that's fine. I'm known as the smart mouth tall girl who things she's always right, but that's not the case I'm just always on the defense but who wouldn't be. I got bullied in middle school and I vowed to never let that happen again which it doesn't because I always will defend myself to the fullest.

I have confidence but somedays I feel ugly and unwanted by most. All of my friends and family are small in height and size the tallest family member I have is 5'6 which is Destiny but she's still skinny like the others. My best friend Kim is 5'7 and that makes me feel better because I don't feel like the golly green giant but she average size maybe like a 6 or 7 in pants and I'm a 16.

"Niyah come on baby girl we going to the mall to get the rest of your school clothes"

Sighing I walked downstairs to see my mother Debra and my aunt Danita with her.

"Hey mommy hey Aunty"

"Hey baby" my aunt said

Walking out the door with them both behind me I jumped in the back seat of the car and waited for my mother to pull off. I was anxious and nervous for tomorrow I didn't know what to expect. By the time we got to Milolark mall it was packed because everybody was going last minutes school shopping.

We went to a few stores to get my uniforms which consisted of khaki pants and a purple logo shirt with the school's name on it. I got two pairs of new sneakers some more flats and some accessories. They decided they were both hungry and tired so we went to the food court.