Mr. I Don't Smile

17. group therapy

17. group therapy

Ciera

"How does your leg feel?" Casey asked.

"Honestly? Weird. I had grown used to the cast on my leg and now it feels naked with it being gone."

"So I could compare this to when I had braces for three years?"

"Basically. So," I dragged out the word, "how's it going with Lucas?"

"It's going," he smiled.

I nudged his shoulder with my own and he groaned. "Don't give me that. I want details. Specifics."

"He told me he likes me. And not platonically. We're not official yet. Probably a few more dates until then, but I'm hoping it's soon."

"When it happens, are you going to introduce him as your boyfriend to your parents? Or are you going to keep those two parts of your life separate?"

"I don't want to hide Lucas, you know? I'm not ashamed. But I don't want to put him in the toxic environment I'm currently in. But I also don't want to keep him from my family, as much as they don't support my sexuality. That probably doesn't make sense. I keep contradicting myself. Sorry."

"No, don't apologize. I understand. You're conflicted. You still love your family, and wish they would change their feelings about you being gay, so you could fully be yourself with them. Because you're not ashamed. But they won't. And that hurts you."

"Exactly. Um, Ciera?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry for not including you in the same conversations I did with Maddie. It wasn't as easy to talk to you as it was with her. But I'm realizing you understand me a lot better than I thought."

"You shouldn't apologize for how you feel. As much as it hurt me, sometimes that's just the way it is. And I should've understood it. I'm sorry for being a jealous freak."

"You were jealous?"

"Yeah. I felt left out. Like when you and Maddie watched dramas together, which doesn't make sense because I wasn't interested in the show like you two were. I guess the problem wasn't what I was specifically left out of doing, but being left out in general. Because I've been left out my whole life."

"Ciera? What do you mean?"

Both Casey and I turned as Maddie dropped the bag of popcorn she was bringing out of the kitchen. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I promise. I just heard the last part of the conversation. What do you mean you've been left out your whole life?"

"I've been keeping things from you two. It's a long story."

"We've got time," Maddie muttered, walking to sit with us in the couch. "Clara and Arya are nowhere to be seen and Theo somehow still isn't here." Theo was bringing Natasha because she wanted to meet the rest of my friends, who she had not had the chance to see yet.

"Okay, you guys always knew I wasn't close with my family. But I'm not sure if you knew to what extent."

"How bad is it?"

"It's not that we're not close. My parents hate me. I constantly get belittling comments and they treat me like a chore. I'm very sure they would prefer Clara was their only child instead of having me too."

"But why? They're the ones who decided to have you. How could they hate their own kid?"

"I don't know why. Clara was always mean to me too until recently, and while I have forgiven her, a reason would be nice. It's not like it excuses their behavior in any way, but I want to know. What did I do? Is it my fault?"