Ben Hardy Imagines xo

storm behind her eyes- ben hardy

warnings: ANGST........ a lot of it
word count: about 2.3k
a/n: i'm working on a new series so that's why i haven't posted in a while, i also have a summer job now which is eating up a lot of my time. thank you for being patient ❤️

Y/n rested a weak hand to her temple in attempts to try and soothe the storm that was wreaking havoc behind her eyes. Painkillers did not seem to be doing anything to make the storm disappear nor were they helping with the sickness bug she seemed to be coming down with. Her eyes had already shed more tears than Y/n would care to think about due to the way she was feeling. Every little movement was too hard and the pounding in her head rendered her useless and glued to the sofa. At least the lack of movement allowed her some form of sleep which she desperately needed since it took away her headache for a little while.
As if on cue the door to the apartment sounded just as Y/n felt her headache beginning to dull down. Her eyes tiredly opening to see Ben walking through the door looking rather tired but happy nonetheless. Throwing his keys into the dish on the shelf they had near to the door, he kicked off his shoes and made his way into the living room.
A signature smile was plastered on the actor's face as he laid himself gently on top of Y/n, mindful of the small baby bump between them before he leaned to press his lips to hers. His eyes silently questioned if she was alright when he noticed how her eyes were half-lidded as the headache seemed to be getting worse. Leaning his weight onto his left arm, Ben moved his right hand to gently caress the side of her face. Earning a smile as she leaned and kissed the palm of his hand though he didn't smile back at feeling how warm her skin was against his own. He knew she had taken the day off due to not feeling herself but he didn't think she had been this bad when he left earlier.
Studying her features closer he realised that her skin was rather pale and possibly grey in colour rather than its usual cream with a pink tinge. Even her lips had lost their blushing red, her eyes opening to meet his worried ones as he watched her take a moment or two to focus on him properly.
"Maybe we should take a trip to the doctors."
Ben knew it was a long shot that Y/n would actually agree with him on this or think that she was bad enough to need to go and see a doctor. She seemed to have something against hospitals which was understandable, not many people liked going or having to admit that there was something wrong with them. Ben couldn't blame her for not wanting to go out of fear, but at the same time, he would carry her there if she got any worse because it would be in her best interests to go.
"M'fine, just feel sick." Her lips pressed to his own before she closed her eyes, not being able to open them anymore.
"Come on baby, bed and then we can grab food later." He stated as he got to his feet, hands reaching out and grasping her own gently pulling her to her feet. Y/n managed to steps before stopping for a moment, her body doubling over like a coil pulling her inwards as a wave of unease rattled through her. Even her head felt worse to the point she was so sure it was going to explode or short circuit.
Knowing his suggestion of hospital would simply be ignored a second time, Ben wrapped an arm around her lower back and the other around her legs. Picking her up with ease allowing her legs to hook around his torso, her head falling to his shoulder muffling a whimper of pain as he chewed on his lower lip. If she got any worse he would have to take her to the hospital even if she didn't want to.
He slowly made his way into the bedroom, leaving the curtains half-closed so small slithers of sunlight could creep in and light up the room for them just enough so they could see but still sleep peacefully enough. Ben sat Y/n down in the middle of the bed, watching for a moment as her features scrunched up from the storm behind her eyes. Her frame curling up as she laid on her side in the middle of the bed, feeling a little better when she felt Ben laying behind her. His chest pressing up to her back as he rested his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder, lips gently pressed to the skin as his hand rested on her slightly rounded stomach.
Ben's eyes fell shut as he felt Y/n's breathing soon evening out against his own as he wasn't far behind.
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Opening his eyes Ben took a moment to adjust to the change in light, seeing the room had gotten darker with a few orange streaks of light creeping through the curtains. His head moving to glance at Y/n, seeing that she was still spark out, tucked under his arm like she had been when he had fallen asleep. Something about the fact that she hadn't moved or turned over in her sleep set Ben on edge as Y/n was not the kind of person to stay motionless during her sleep. Keeping his arm around her he went to pull her closer, tensing when he realised she was trembling, most likely the reason he had suddenly woken up.
Leaning over he propped himself up on his elbow as he moved his hand to press to her forehead, realising she must have a fever as she was trembling as if she were cold. Her body absentmindedly pressing into his own trying to steal his body heat.
Very gently Ben shuffled back, easing Y/n so she was laying on her back as he sat up to try and wake himself up and work out what to do. He brushed his thumb over her cheek, growing nervous as she felt like a flame burning him at the slightest touch. There didn't seem to be any colour left on her features either. Realisation suddenly dawned on Ben that as he had moved and shuffled around, she hadn't stirred once when she was usually a light sleeper. Even as he had pressed his hand to her forehead she hadn't reacted or moved.
"Baby? Look at me." It sounded more of a concerned order as he rubbed his thumb over her cheek just under her eye before moving to shake her shoulder, needing her to wake up now.
Ben knew that he couldn't do anything else but call for an ambulance, he wasn't trained to know what to do in this situation and he didn't even know what was happening. He needed someone to come and help him now because the actor did know that this wasn't normal.
"Sweetheart, can you hear me? Come on open your eyes please." He pleaded as he pressed his lips to her forehead as she continued to tremble which he suspected was from feeling cold even though she was hot to the touch. His heart almost broke free from his ribs when her hand moved, brushing against his side before pressing to her stomach as she managed to half-open her eyes. Her action sending waves of panic through Ben as he began to realise maybe he should have insisted and taken her to the hospital earlier after all. Leaning down Ben grabbed the cover and pulled it up over her body trying to stop her shivering.
"C-cold." Y/n breathed through the word as she whimpered, moving her hand from her stomach to pull Ben, wanting him closer for a source of heat.
"S'alright, I'm gonna call for help and then you'll be fine. I've got you." He assured, his hand entwining with her own as his other hand reached to grab his phone from his back pocket. Beginning to call for an ambulance as he fought off the urge to cry. He leaned over to press a gentle kiss to her temple, mumbling that she needed to stay awake with him and talk to him so he knew she was alright. His chest quaking as he tried not to burst into tears, hundreds of thoughts running around in his mind at what was happening to her and their baby.
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Ben sat as close as he could get to the stretcher Y/n was laid upon, her eyes barely managing to open as her hand very weakly held onto his. Both his calloused hands wrapping around hers as he pressed to his lips to her fingers. The paramedic was stood next to Ben leaning over Y/n trying to do a few checks to see what was wrong and keep her awake.
"S'alright sweetheart, stay with me." His voice was like honey but there was an ordering tone to his voice as he was pleading for her not to fall asleep or anything worse. She was Ben's world, she was his rock and if he lost her it would be like gravity had lost its hold over him.
"G-going... dark." Y/n tugged on Ben's hand so weakly that the movement was almost non-existant as she breathed through the words. As soon as they reached his ears his heart rocketed in his chest as he sat up straighter, paling until he was almost see-through as he watched her eyes flutter like butterfly wings before closing. His head snapped to look at the paramedic for help as he tugged on her hand as if it would magically bring her back around.
Leaning over the paramedic pressed his index and middle finger to her neck feeling for her pulse which was non-existent. Leaning over to tell the driver they needed to go much quicker than this.
The man said nothing as he interlocked his hands before pressing them over Y/n's chest and started compressions, silently counting under his breath before checking her pulse again to see if he had made any difference. Not daring to turn and look at Ben, not wanting the look of distraught imprinted in his mind. It was very rare for anyone but close family to see Ben in a state of distress or raw pain like he was now and the paramedic didn't think it was his place to witness that.
Not knowing what else to do, Ben interlocked his fingers with Y/n's, thankful he hadn't been told to let go as he pressed his other hand to her wrist so he could feel when her pulse would start again. Refusing the think of the idea that he wouldn't feel anything because that would shatter his whole world. His lips staying put against her knuckles instead as tears silently flushed his face, his body shaking from the screams and violent frustrated yells he was harbouring in his chest that were clawing to be released.
"Don't leave me." Ben's voice came out muffled against her hand as he whispered it so quietly, not knowing if he wanted her to hear him or not. Watching as the paramedic took to his compressions on her chest again seeing as his last round hadn't worked.
A choked sob escaped Ben's lips when he felt the very weak push of a vein against his fingers, his hand moving to rub up and down her arm as if congratulating her on coming back to him. Watching the weak pushes of air leaving her lips as the paramedic was quick to place an oxygen mask to her lips and nose. Doing a few other checks before getting an adrenaline injection ready as her heart wasn't creating a strong or even enough rhythm yet.
Continuing to caress her arm, Ben pressed her hand to the side of his face which was flushed with tears. His lips pressing butterfly kisses to her arm that he was cradling close for some kind of contact. His mind whirling at the knowledge that he almost lost her and their baby, feeling dizzy at the thought that he didn't know what was happening to their baby either. Ben didn't know what he would have done if that had been the case, how would he have told her or his family that she and their child had passed away?
A puff of air left Ben's lips like he was smoking one of his cigarettes when he had to let go of her hand in order for the paramedic and the driver to hurridly wheel Y/n out of the ambulance. Practically running inside the hospital snatching her from him instantly without another word. His shaking body stumbling out of the ambulance and leaning against a pillar to catch his breath that wouldn't come quick enough. A sudden rush of anger overtaking his body at the realisation that he had witnessed Y/n technically die in front of him before being revived. Being revived didn't mean anything because of the state she was in, she could easily slip into cardiac arrest again once inside without the luck of her heart restarting again. The fear that she wouldn't survive bursting through his veins with shots of adrenaline.
Ben had almost lost her, but the knowledge that he still held the risk of losing her made his stomach churn.
This was out of his hands now.