Ugly Birds in a Beautiful Cage \\ FRANSYKES

1

I walked along the row of cells, facing forward as I came closer to my destination. Disgruntled sounds of fellow inmates infiltrated the hall but they barely made me flinch. Less than appealing comments coming from the filth didn't bother me. I could take care of myself in here.

It was about damn time I got thrown in here. Everyone had expected it to happen for years and now I was finally living up to their expectations. It wasn't like I tried very hard to keep away from this place. I didn't try very hard with anything anymore, not even with caring. I couldn't possibly care less that I was walking towards my jail cell. After all, it was only a two month sentence. It wasn't that big of a deal.

The guard who was holding my arm to make sure I didn't do anything stupid, stopped at a cell. He swiped a card along the automated lock before taking hold of one of bars and sliding them open. He roughly pushed me inside. That was probably his favourite part of the job; pushing inmates around. Why else would you become a prison guard if not to go on a power trip?

I turned to face him, not showing a single ounce of emotion as he locked the door with another swipe of his card. He gave a smug look before walking back off down the hallway, leaving me to my new home.

I sighed, the reality of the situation finally setting in. I asked myself how exactly I got to this specific point in my life. To be honest with myself, I was the lowest of the lows. It was inevitable really. I was never destined for anything better in life, or at least that's what my parents commonly told me. I didn't bother telling them I was in here. I couldn't have been bothered to hear the 'I told you so' that was bound to come along with confession.

Where was the exact moment I went wrong? Could someone actually pin-point the exact second their fate was decided? Probably not. For me though, I knew it was because of my involvement with a boy. Multiple boys, actually. I fell in love once and it turned out to be a waste of time. Again? It was a tragedy.

The second one was playing on my mind. Kellin was his name. We met in high school and had a casual fling with each other. It wasn't until the two of us met up afterwards that things got serious. I couldn't do relationships though. I wasn't cut out to be a good guy, and I was the worst guy there was.

I saw Kellin's vulnerabilities and used them to manipulate him. I wouldn't sugar-coat things for myself. I knew who I was. I knew what I had done. Truth be told, I was an abusive asshole. I couldn't always reason with myself why I did what I did, but I had done it. I beat up on Kellin whenever he ticked me off even a little bit. Sometimes I just couldn't help myself.

Despite what I did, I truly did love him. Perhaps that was why I hurt him. I was too afraid of losing him that I would scare him into staying. A lot of good that did. He ended up coming to his senses and leaving me. I didn't blame him, but at the time it was the worst thing that could possibly happen to me.

It was a steep, downward spiral after that. Only, come to think of it, that's not where the spiral began. No, I had been a horrible person long ago in high school too. It was just that the end of my relationship with Kellin was when I let go of any type of hope that I had in myself.

I made all the wrong decisions and fast too. I got into hard drugs and eventually got caught driving under the influence of marijuana. That's how I got here. A skinny, tattooed British boy in an American prison. It couldn't be any worse in here than real life, right?

I turned around to see a man sitting on the bed. He was looking up at me in curiosity. Regardless of the fact that he was sitting down, I could tell he was short. He had messy hair and looked like he hadn't showered in weeks, although when you're in a place like this who gives a damn about personal hygiene? I still did though. That was the last bit of dignity I had left that I wouldn't give up.