Escape

I can't help but doubt that

Over the next two weeks Lindsey avoided any contact with Stevie. If he wanted to see Sara, he’d take her out or have her over at his house. He knew he was being stupid, Stevie was free to do whatever she wanted. Lindsey couldn’t believe how jealous he got when Sara told him Stevie was out with someone. He didn’t even know for sure whether it was serious or not, he just got angry.

Lindsey also tried to be nicer to Kristen, he really made an effort to talk to her and be interested in her, he even got in bed with her, but nothing good came out of it. So he just slept in his studio.

Now though, he had no chance of not crossing his and Stevie’s path, because it was the first day of Fleetwood Mac rehearsals. He barely said a word to her, but the songs they sang were fueled with raw emotions. It didn’t go unnoticed.

Mick announced a break and Stevie used the opportunity to talk to Lindsey alone.

“What is the matter with you today?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Right, you almost fooled me, Lindsey.”

“I said I’m fine.” He repeated harshly.

“What have I done now?” Lindsey sighed, staring at her. She stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest, pouting. For some reason she looked exceptionally pretty to him at that moment and he wanted nothing more than to sink in that lower lip of hers. Instead of arguing, Lindsey wanted to tell her just how beautiful she looked without make up or her dramatic stage clothes. “I’m waiting.”

“I… it’s stupid.”

“I don’t care, Lindsey, please just tell me, because I’m not enjoying this right now.”

“Don’t laugh or hit me ok?”

“What could you possibly tell me to arise those two emotions in me?”

“Can we take a seat?” Lindsey asked and Stevie nodded, following him to the couch in a smaller room they entered. “The day after Sara’s birthday… I was having dinner with Kristen and she started with her usual bullshit. She said how I never loved her and she… she made me admit to her I loved you.”

“You always loved me.”

“Yeah, but… I’m still deeply in love with you.” Stevie gasped and Lindsey smiled sadly. “Oh, don’t act like you didn’t know that.”

“I certainly didn’t think you still felt like that, Lindsey…”

He wanted to ask, what about her, but chose not to. “Well… we fought. I had to get away and I drove for hours and I knew I was left to make a decision, either I leave Kristen or I don’t, but I had to know how you felt about me first. So, I called the house and Sara picked up and told me you were out. I thought like with Sharon, but Sara said no… I got jealous and angry, for no reason like always. I mean… I have no right to be angry about you seeing someone, Stevie, but I still was.”

“Linds, I was having dinner with a friend.” She replied not very convincingly.

“Then why did Sara say, she didn’t think it was anything serious?”

“Because it’s not. I... I’m not dating anybody, I’ve made that clear, because where do I find a guy?" Stevie tried to avoid his eyes attempting to answer his questiong. "Besides… how can I love someone else when I’ve not fallen out of love with you?”

Lindsey looked at her. “You mean…”

“Yes, Linds, yes I obviously still love you… yet I can’t help but feel that what we have now is so much more precious than what we ever had being together.”

“So, you think we’d fail.”

“Frankly speaking, yes.”

“But don’t you think we’ve grown up a lot more? Don’t you think we’ve changed enough to have a stable relationship?”

Stevie got up and walked over to the window. “I can’t help but doubt that…”

“It would be good for Sara, having both her parents.”

“What about your other three children, they need both parents too.”

“But I don’t love their mother, I love you, Stevie and you know it. I can’t change that, I can’t tell my heart not to feel it… I know I want you.”

“You’ve had so many chances, Lindsey.”

“Yes, and I’m a complete idiot, who blew all of them. I admit it, but… you don’t know how hard it is not having you, not being able to hold you and kiss you and openly tell you how much I love you.”

“Fuck you, Lindsey!” She yelled and he was taken aback. “How hard it is for you? Did you ever think about me? I had your baby and you went fucking around! You impregnated some dumb fucking groupie and chose her over me!”

“I didn’t d…”

“Yes, you did! I was there yours for the taking, but I didn’t even say anything knowing how you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. I didn’t want you like that. Of course, Kristen saw a great chance, so she stuck with you, she used her youth to get pregnant again and again and I’m sure she fell for you along the way. And why wouldn’t you stay with her? Young and pretty over old and used so many times, right? A picture perfect wife over a fucking drugged out whore, I get it.” He said nothing, mostly because he knew he wouldn’t be able to silence her and also because he was completely shocked of the things coming out of her mouth. “Ok, I thought, I have my baby I wanted for so long and I might occasionally get you, but do you even realize how terribly painful it is for me when you brag about your perfect happy little family, the wonderful kids and the beautiful wife? When I’m asked, hey, Stevie, how does that make you feel? Do you get along with Kristen, do you like Lindsey’s kids? Absolutely, I say, smiling brightly, but inside… inside I’m breaking.” Lindsey heard a sob escaping from her and he immediately made his way to her and wrapped his arms around her tiny frame from behind. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“I’m so sorry… I never thought you felt like that.”

“Of course you didn’t.” She spat angrily.

“All those things you called yourself, they’re not true. You’re nothing but a strong, beautiful, selfless woman, Stephanie.”

“No, don’t Stephanie me…” She shook her head as he turned her to face him. “I can’t hear you call me that.”

“What, your given name?” Lindsey chuckled and Stevie didn’t hold back a small smile.

“It makes me weak. Nobody calls me Stephanie except you and I can’t resist you anything then.”

“It’s a beautiful name, I might as well start calling you that from now on.”

“We’re getting off topic…”

Lindsey sighed and nodded. “You’re right. I really don’t know what else to tell you. I’ve been a fool. I know I should have never married Kristen, I’ll always regret that. I was supposed to be with you all along, Steph…” He pulled her in a hug. “I never lied saying I love you, believe that.” His fingers got tangled in her long blond hair. He lowered his head and captured her lips for a short moment.

Stevie’s eyes opened after a moment, filled with tears. “What… what are you going to do?”

“I will divorce Kristen whether you take me back or not.”

“Lindsey, I’m not going to jump into a relationship with you right away.”

“You’ll make me work for it?”

“Damn right!”

Lindsey chuckled. “Anything. Anything for you, Stephanie.”