Escape

I need you

"Your hesitation is speaking louder than your words ever could."

"Andrew, please..." She reached for his hand and he closed his eyes, hating himself that he couldn't resist her touch. "You have to understand me. I made it clear that a part of my heart will always have feelings for Lindsey, you knew that, but you chose to be with me anyway. Now that the person I've known since I was in high school has told me his marriage is over, of course I will have some thoughts about it."

"If you weren't so special to me, I wouldn't be sitting here rigth now. I would be on my way to the nearest bar by now." She smiled sadly and laced their fingers together. "Do you feel anything for me besides just being grateful that I warm your bed a few nights per week?"

She was taken aback a little. She had never heard him talk like this. "No, absolutely not. I know people who know about us talk, I'm aware of the things they say... the poor guy, who's hooking up with Stevie Nicks, she'll never love him and all that. I can't imagine how that is making you feel, I know I get pissed off every time when something like that is being said. I wouldn't keep putting you through this for nothing. Of course I love you, Andrew. You've become a huge part of my life. I don't... I don't want to lose you."

He took a deep breath then exhaled and looked her dead in the eyes. "I am willing to forget this if you tell me what happened honestly."

"But you already know what happened."

He shook his head. "No, I want to know where, when, how many time and most importantly why."

"Andrew, I..."

"Stephanie."

"Lindsey told me things weren't good with the wife when he came over on Sara's birthday. Apparently, everything went down hill from there and he called, he wanted to talk to me, to know how I feel, but that was on the night when you and I were out. Sara told him I was on a date and he got jealous. We didn't speak a word for about two weeks, then the rehearsals started and I had to know what the matter was. We went to a room away from everybody and he explained that he's leaving Kristen. He... he told he's still in love with me and that he wants a relationship."

"Oh my god..." Andrew got off the bed. "I need some air." He stepped out onto the balcony. Stevie waited for him to come back, but he didn't, so she joined him. He felt her presence behind him even though she hadn't made a sound. "What was your response?"

"I said that I love him."

"Oh wow... So, you love us both? Steph, give me a break!" He held onto the rail, so his hands were occupied. 

"The night I came to see you... I had decided to break up with you, but I couldn't. Andrew, I do love you, whether you believe me or not."

"It doesn't matter really, does it? No matter what I say or do, you will still go back to him one way or another. I'm just glad you have the decency to tell me this, at least you're being honest."

"I can't imagine living without you, I'm so used to you being around me."

"I think that's all there is, no? You've just gotten really attached to me, I'm not sure if what you call your love for me is trully that."

"I have never been with anyone for so long besides you after I had Sara. When Lindsey left again, I vowed not to ever get myself involved with anyone else. But when I met you, Andrew... I felt like I wanted to live again, to enjoy what life had to offer, just because of you. I get that Lindsey has always been the biggest problem in all of my relationships, but nobody has ever meant so much to me like you do."

"Does he know about me? Does he know that you and I have been together for the past eight months?" She looked passed him into the distance and barely shook her head. "You have got to be kidding me! How do you expect me to trust you now? How can I touch you and kiss you and tell you I love you, when another man is doing the same thing when I'm not around?"

She was fighting back the tears as hard as she could, she didn't want to break down now. "I guess, it comes down to how much you love me."

"You're the first one I think of in the morning. I go make myself a cup of coffee and I think whether Karen has managed to wake you up already or are you asking for her to go away and you cover yourself up with the bed sheet and try to fall asleep again. I get in my car and while I'm in traffic, I think whether you have dressed up yet or you're still in your nightgown walking around the house and baby talk with Sulamith. Once I'm in my office, I think whether you're warming up your voice for rehearsals, whether the guys in the band are nice to you, whether you had something to eat, whether you had some time to rest, whether someone made you upset or the day went smoothly, whether you're home yet, whether you've got in bed and took your journal with you yet, whether you're already asleep or you're still up for no reason at all, just so you can sleep until noon the next day. I think that maybe I should start searching for a perfect engagement ring. Steph, I never stop thinking about you. But I guess that is only because I don't have to split my love for two."

His last words hurt her badly and she let the tears spill down her cheeks. He sighed and pulled her in his embrace. She cried in his chest, neither one of them saying a word. Everything had been said, a decision now had to be made. She wrapped her arms around his waist and didn't want to let go, but she felt like she had to. "I need you, Andrew."

"I'm happy to hear that, but I don't know if I can share you. I can't even think of someone else having the same kind of feelings for you, it's all a bit too much. I knew things would be complicated, but not like this. I didn't think I would have to fight for you with someone that you left almost fourty years ago." 

"Don't leave me..." She begged, her voice breaking.

His heart ached to see the woman he loved this broken, but what choice did he have? "I have to." He simply said. He craddled her tear stained face in his hands and kissed her lips like he had never before, the kiss was full of emotion, that time she felt the love he had for her channel through, but it was a little too late.