Her Seduction

The Need

Song for this chapter- don't watch me cry

He's stuck relishing on the distant memory of her. They broke her. No. He was done making excuses, he'd made too damn many. He broke her. He knew that by the hurt in her eyes when the words left his mouth. That he didn't love her. He was a complete fucking liar; a complete fucking fool thinking he could keep something as exquisite as her. She was his everything and when she left, she left him with nothing. Not even the air in his lungs which he needed to survive. Fuck that. He needed her to survive, she was his Oxygen. He ruined something, he didn't even know could be ruined. He took her trust and made it seem a weakness, he disregarded her feelings time and time and time again until she snapped at the final straw. She left him. And it killed him to watch her walk away. To watch his love, his life, walk away from him, like he was nothing. Like they were nothing. But they wasn't because of his own in denial and immature games he played. His blinded love and failed admittance cost him his happiness and for that he was miserable.

"I love her so much I can't be selfish with her." My eyes focus on the floor beneath me instead of into the eyes of one of my trusted men and Melanie-Rose's closest friends. He looks at me with pity and I fucking hate it but I admire his willingness. He should hate me.

I spend my days and nights drowning my sorrows at the bottom of a whiskey glass which usually ends up on the floor, smashed into a million pieces as it collides with the wall and dismantles all over the floor. Much like my heart when she left me. Alone. With my thoughts, the nightmares and worst of all the emptiness.

"She doesn't want you to leave her alone you asshat. She loves you and you're both to fucking stubborn to admit it to eachother. Why can you tell everyone but her?!" He's right. Why can't I tell her that I love her. That I'm completely and utterly consumed by her. Everything I'm thinking and voicing to others, everyone but her.

"She's hurt Elijah. You hurt her and you hurt yourself in the process." His voice is harsh and if what he had said hadn't been so true I'd have kicked him out.

"I don't know what she's hurt about?" A reasonable argument. I'm not trying to make excuses, I've made many mistakes and most of them affected her. I never really asked her what she wanted at the end of all of this, I put her in a position to leave or stay- there was no alternative.

"Talk to her Elijah." He sighs and I know he's right. I should've put up more of a fight... why didn't I? Was she not worth it? Fuck, yes she's worth it.

This isn't over.

Deciding something small isn't going to win her over this time, she needs, no... she deserves more- something that will denote how deeply I love her. I never told my love vocally but I'm sure she knew when she looked into my eyes that they held a different kind of fire. Her fire thawed out the ice in me, she made me good again. Made me want to be good for her.

I never told her anything about me, about my family; she doesn't know that Alejandro's family and mine used to be rivals and that they were responsible for my parents death. I hated them and after learning what they'd done to my girl, it sent me over the edge. The need to protect was larger than my urge to love. I confused my love for lust so many times that I actually believed it was that. I'd convinced myself that she was like the others but obviously that was not remotely true. She didn't throw herself at me like most girls, she didn't weaken when I threatened her time and time again. Mistakes were made; mainly by me but forgiveness was something I held hope for.

She'd forgiven me once. And I pray to any God that she'll be able to forgive me for this. I'm sick of her running without letting me explain. But, I hate myself for always being too stubborn to beg her to stay, that's what she wants, she wants me to tell her to stay. I've given her far too many opportunities to leave. I've given her far too many reasons to leave... and she has stayed at her own accord but I never showed her I wanted her. All of her.