Stay || Martinus G ||

Part 23

I look at the clock and it's six in the morning.

-MARCUS I TAKE THE CAR FROM DAD AND I GO TO THE HOSPITAL

-What? wait...I dont understand

-I don't have time.

I put on jeans and a random hoodie and I leave. The roads are empty so I speed up. When I arrive I see her whole family there. I go into the room but she is not there?

-What happened? Where is she?

-She left...

Her dad said with red eyes full of tears. Where did she go?

No. No. No.

This can't be true. I run to her doctor's office and I find her holding a piece of paper.

-What is happening? Where is Alina?

-I was waiting for you....This is for you..It has everything you need.

I grap the paper and start reading it.

"Dear Martinus,

Now it's probably early in the morning...I know that you are probably confused..Just read this and everything will be clear.

I wasn't waiting something from my life. I am a girl with leukemia...I am not the only one. I have this for many years...I have gone through many stages. Crusial surgeries... chemotherapies...My life was boring. Home-hospital and over again.

I wasn't living...I was just breathing. I was a dead alive.

Until you came.

You taught me how to live. We created beautiful memories.  I am full of experiences.

I would really like to go to France with you and eat croissants. Or go to Thailand and swimm in the dark with you. I would love to go to Italy, to Spain, to Greece, to Croatia, even to the park with you. I would love to explore the world with you Martinus...BUT I am tired.

I am tired of myself. I am mad everyday when I wake up cause I can't even walk by myself. And I don't want this life Martinus.

I want to end my life in this part.

I know that I would never beat the cancer...But I don't want to die from it. I don't want to let it kill me...I will do it alone...as it is MY decision.

I want it to be a beautiful end.

I dont see this act as weakness. I see it as power.

You were the last person I talked to. And I am writing this only to you. I know how sensitive you are...and never believe that this something bad. No Martinus it is not bad. It is unique. Girls seem to like bad guys...but..for how long?

Believe in yourself. STAY yourself cause you are amazing the way you are.

I also want to ask you a favor. Tell to my family that I love them. Unconditionally. Tell to my brother to keep studying for his university...I am sure that he will do a great job. Tell to my mother that she is my hero. She is the one who was every second next to me. And tell to my dad that I never criticised him for not coming to hospital. I understood him from the first second. He always wanted to see me strong...and this is how I want to see him from now on.

In the past I thought that being alive would keep my family happier...BUT now I see that I make them more tired.

And I make you sad and tired too. You maybe don't  understand it now..but I can feel it. I maybe not be alive but you can always talk to me. Just go to our place...To that magical lake and I will be there. I will always be there for you. Even if you don't see me. Even if you don't hear me. I will be there.

Some minutes ago I checked my messages and I saw some from Karoline telling me that she is sorry. She reminded me what happened. I am not mad at her...neither to  you.

I said to her that its okay from me. After all she is right...I have to leave first...I have to set you free.

I won't stay with you in this world Martinus...But I am not saying goodbye. We will meet again in another world where we will be stronger together.

I want you to chase your dream...Show your talent to the rest world. I love you Martinus. Never change for someone. Find a girl who trully loves you cause you deserve only love.

Keep only our good times and continue your life.

We will meet again soon. In our world. I promise !

Sorry if I wrote too much.

I love you
Your Alina

.

.

.

.

.

.

I don't really know what to write here...

The comments are yours...